15 Days Locked In (Mashton)

It's PTSD - Michael

I sit up, screaming and unable to breathe. Blood, everywhere. Ashton looking paper white. A heartbeat so slow that I'm scared it will stop any minutes. I'm crying and crying and screaming and shaking. I start feeling dizzy but I don't do a damn thing about it.

"Michael, it's okay, it was just a nightmare, breathe. It's okay. Just a nightmare. A nightmare."

Slowly I calm down trying to focus on the soothing voice only. Once oxygen finally fills my lungs again, I turn my head to look at the person standing by my side and discover that it is Laura. I smile, happy to see her back from her break. Without any hesitation I fall into her arms and hug her, crying into the crook of her neck. I can feel one of her hand playing with my hair while the other one is rubbing my back, trying to calm me down.

"Shhhhh it's okay, it's all gonna be just fine." I nod but stay hidden in her neck. "Come on, it's time for check-ups anyway so if you're feeling okay enough we have to go."

I nod and this time I stand up. She smiles and motions to me to exit the room. I nod – yes, once more – and make my way to the check-up room. Once there, I put the medical gown on and wait for my turn to come. I know the procedure by now, change your clothe, wait, go on the scale, be blind weighed, have your vitals checked, change your clothe back and go to the canteen for breakfast. And that's exactly how it goes on. Once I'm in the canteen though, I can't find it in me to eat. I don't have the strength today. Sierra, a friend I've made here, try to encourage me to take a bite, but I literally can't. After last night's nightmare, it is impossible for me to eat because my stomach is a knot. I take several deep breaths but a new anxiety attack hits me. I'm not aware of my surroundings anymore. I just know that I can't breathe. And my body is shaking. I'm barely aware that I'm being move to a bed. I can feel someone touching my cheek, trying to talk to me but I block them out. I still can't breathe, and I'm crying, and suddenly, it all goes black.

I flutter my eyes open, and look around me. I'm in the nursery. I try to remember what happen and sigh when I do. Nightmare. Check-up. Breakfast. Anxiety attack. The nurse that guided me out of the canteen probably sedated me. They normally don't, except if they can't get through you to calm you down. I sit up on the bed and wait for a nurse to come in here. A few second later, Laura enters. I smile at her. The nurses here are nice, every single one of them, but Laura is by far my favorite, probably because she was the first one making me open up, so I'm glad that she's back.

"Well, well, well, look who's finally awake." She says while smirking.

"How long was I out?" It is a simple question, though I dreaded the answer. Today is supposed to be Ashton's day of visit and for once I need to seem him.

"Two hours." I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding back. "Are you feeling still on edge?" I nod, shyly. "Do you wanna tell what's going on?" I hesitate before sighing.

"It's just nightmares. Even when I take sleeping pills, I still have nightmares, and last night one... left me panicked."

"Does Dr Prentis knows about them?" I nod again. "What does she think about them?"

"She says it's PTSD from when I've found Ashton." I can't bring myself to say 'from when he tried to kill himself' but I can see she understands.

"Oh... is he coming today, to see you, I mean?"

"Yes."

"Then, Sierra and I will stay by your side to help you get through the day until he comes in the commun room, okay?"

"That's fine, besides there are others patients to take care of and Sierra's her own shit to deal with."

"Just because I have other patients doesn't mean I won't take care of you as well. And Sierra may have her shit to deal with, but you are her friend, therefore she worries about you. She's sitting right outside the nursery right now, should I let her in?"

"Please."

"Okay, but before that you have to drink supplements!" I start shaking my head vigorously. "I know you don't want to but you know the rules." I keep shaking my head. I really don't feel like swallowing anything today. "Come on Michael, don't make this harder for you, please." I hear her sigh as I close my eyes, refusing to drink the supplements. "I can only imagine what you're going through, and believe me, I wish I didn't have to make you eat when you don't want to, or make you talk when you don't feel like it, but you know that this is part of your recovery. In order to get through this, you have to eat and you have to open up. So please, drink the supplements, I really don't wanna have to fill a report about you when I know you've been trying a damn hard lately and made progress."

"Can I have just one instead of two, please?"

"Michael yo-"

"Lunch is in an hour, i'll feel still full if I have two. Besides, I feel so sick I'm scared I'll throw up. I think I can keep one down, but if I throw up while drinking the second one, I won't even have one in my stomach." I know she knows I have a point when I see her sighs. She shakes her head and glares at me. She goes to the fridge and take just one supplement. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"Your plate better be empty after lunch, and I'll let your therapist knows that nightmares affect you that much, maybe she'll be able to find a solution." She hands me the supplement. "Now drink up."

I shake my head a bit and glare at the drink but I do as I'm told and slowly start to drink the supplement.