Sorry ||ZION KUWONU||

Chapter 43

"Mhmmmm."

I picked up the bottle to take another big gulp. There was a quick pause in the conversation.

"......He also said you guys went to school together."

"Used to. Before I dropped out."

"Oh.. nice."

"Yup."

I turned around and picked up a red solo cup and poured the vodka half way and set the bottle down.

"You're performance was really dope tonight by the way."

"Thanks."

"Yea, no problem."

There was a pause in the conversation which didn't particularly bother me considering I wasn't looking to really converse with anyone at the moment.

"So, what inspired the song you-"

"Is there a reason you're talking to me?"

He paused and didn't say anything.

"I mean it's a pretty big party so I bet there are a bunch of other girls that would love to have a conversation with you."

"I mean I just figured a girl drowning her sorrows in a bottle of vodka should have someone to talk to instead of getting fully intoxicated by themselves like a loner."

I looked at him and noticed him having a sarcastic smirk on his face. He was kind of an asshole, but I also didn't mind it. I looked back at my cup and took another sip.

"Who says I'm drowning my sorrows?"

"Considering you look like you just found out your dog died and just got done fighting with, whom I assume is your boyfriend...well guessing by the conversation you two just had over there I'm gonna go with ex-boy friend now, I thought you could use the company."

"Oh, so you're watching me now."

"Nah, I just like to observe."

I chuckled.

"Yea, well he's definitely not my boyfriend." 

I took another big gulp out of my cup.  

"So then who is he then?"

I chuckled to myself and poured more vodka in my cup.

"Long story and not enough alcohol in the world."

I took another sip and I kept replaying what happened between me and Nick hoping he wouldn't find me in the crowd of people. As I took each sip I felt myself grow to care less and less about everything I did. I was tired of being the problem of everyone's lives. I was tired of having the weight of every bad decision I made on my shoulders. I felt myself grow numb and insensitive to the situations I created. I didn't care. For once, I didn't care. I didn't care to fix anything or help anyone. All I was focused on was the clear liquid in my cup that made the dude in front of me grow more attractive by the minute. I paused and just looked at him as he looked into my eyes. I felt my reasoning and logic slowly slip away. I then realized that my new found spirit of not giving a fuck wasn't subject to the alcoholic beverage in my hand, but to the fact that I had become so fed up with the situation in my life that I didn't care whether my decisions were bad or not. I didn't mind that I kissed Nick. I did it because I was in a state...still in a state of brokenness and numbness and vulnerability. I didn't mind that I wanted to pull this random stranger into a closet and make out with him no matter the consequences that would come afterwards. All these new feelings were foreign to me considering I had spent the last three years of my life trying to redo every screw up and rebuild every relationship I wrecked in my life. I had always thought about how my actions were gonna affect people or how I needed to fix everything and everyone and now for the first time in... forever I didn't....care. I kept looking at Kylo and then heard my voice being called in the distance. I looked over and saw Nick shuffling through people looking around for me. Luckily, he didn't spot me which caused me to quickly think of an idea.