Fire and Desire

30

March 2nd, 1981

Winters in Minnesota were long and dreadful. I always found myself taking purchase on the lonesome recliner situated near the window so I could watch the specks of snow dwindle down from the sky to cover the ground. I longed for the sweet days of Summer and Spring. Prince promised that we'd take a vacation in a place that was tropical to satisfy my desire to live in a place with a warmer climate.

As minutes passed by my mind wandered back to the letter I received from Rick last month. Since then he hasn't tried to contact me, not complaining about that, but I still had to live with the fact that I hadn't told Prince about the whole ordeal. It was a cowardly thing for me to do but as days turned into weeks I began to fear what would occur after I confessed. Why is it so hard for me to just tell Prince the truth? Give him the letter and my truth. He's a stubborn man so it'll be hard to convince him that this didn't mean anything to me especially since I held back on telling him for so long.

"I don't know what to do." I mutter under my breath. If these walls could speak there's no telling what they'd say.

In my lap was a bundle of white fur also known as Princess. Her sleeping figure curled up against my frame as she sought after my warmth, I couldn't help but coo at her adorableness. I think she made a wonderful addition to my life with Prince even though he liked to pretend that he didn't care for her presence at all. One time I caught him cooing at her while rubbing her tummy when he thought he was home alone and his excuse was that she wouldn't leave him alone. He was definitely just as whipped as I am.

"I'm baaack! "

Prince makes his entrance enthusiastically as he struggles to rid his coat with one arm. After watching him struggle for a few seconds I decided to take the bags of takeout he held in one hand from him so he could remove the thick winter clothing with ease. The only thing that makes Winter bearable for me is Prince. His usually warm skin was now flushed featuring the pink that lightly brushes tip of his nose and apples of his cheeks due to the cool breeze and his hazel eyes that become a frosted jade. He looked absolutely adorable bundled up as well.

"I missed you." I leaned in for a kiss but he tilts his head away from my puckered lips.

His eyes squint in accusatory "Have you been kissing on that dog?"

"First of all, she has a name and it's quite similar to yours." I sassed. "Second of all, you know damn well that I don't let Princess lick my face so give me my kisses now."

He rolled his eyes playfully before cupping my face in his hands. The lack of warmth on his skin made me shiver but his lips colliding with my own made a chill run down my spine. Slowly our lips moved in sync to create a moment that makes my thoughts muddle together.

"Good?" He asks after he pulls away. His hand trails up from my jawline before tucking a loose strand behind my ear.

"Good."

Princess yipped happily at our feet as she sought after our undivided attention.

"I just told you before I left, we are not friends right now." Prince frowned at the puppy, "You peed on my favorite boots!"

~*~

When you fall asleep next to your lover you never want to leave their warm embrace the next morning. But, Prince had planned for us to have brunch so I had no choice but to leave the bed and accompany him to the nearby diner. It was slightly warmer than it was the day before which made me want to jump for joy.

At the Diner we ended up making a bet on who could eat the most food without throwing up; Winner gets a lap dance. His choice not mine.

I won because my stomach is a "bottomless pit" according to Prince. It was almost comical how upset he got over losing such a ridiculous bet, his competitive nature would not let his little heart rest without redeeming himself. So, as soon as we got back home he decided that we were going to play a game of chess to settle things once and for all. Turns out that both of us forgot where we put the game the last time we played it together so we opted for splitting up to search for it in different areas of the house.

"Babe I don't think it's up front, did you have any luck finding it back here?" I huffed as I walked briskly through the bedroom doorway.

Prince's back was facing me but I could tell he was examining something that he had found based on his body language. The chess board and pieces were long forgotten on the bed as he gave whatever he was looking at his undivided attention

"You found it!" I tried regaining his attention. "Must've been hiding pretty well, huh?"

He scoffs. "yeah, kind of like this letter you were hiding from me."

The blood in my veins turned to ice as his venomous words pierced my skin. Suddenly, it became hard to breathe, like the room had been drained of it's oxygen. My mind had drawn a blank as I tried to formulate a proper response to his statement.

"What?"

"You heard me." Prince snickered, "Why are you hiding shit from me in the first place?"

There was no logical explanation for my actions but I was afraid to admit that too. The thing that I had been avoiding has now manifested in present time so I had no choice but to take it head on. Prince's eyes were cold as he stared at me.

I sighed heavily, "Look I was going to tell you b—"

"You were going to tell me? Was this before or after I died?"

I could tell by the way his jaw clenched that he was furious. There was nothing that I could do to stop him from taking his frustrations out on me so I decided to bite my tongue.

"I'm sorry, okay? It happened out of nowhere and if I could go back to the day that I received it I would tell you straight away." My voice was weak compared to is deep baritone, "I didn't know what to do so I kept it to myself."

He scoffed.

"You could've told me like you tell me about everything else! You two sending each other love letters or something? How'd he get my address?"

"I-I don't know how, okay? The letter arrived in the mail one day and after I read through it I put it away because I was afraid you would be mad at me if I showed it to you."

"Why would I have been mad at you? The only logical reason for me to be mad at you is if you had been talking to him behind my back!" The veins in his neck strained against his skin as the volume of his voice raised. "You're full of shit, you know that?"

I flinched at the tone of his voice. "Prince, you know I would never..."

"If you told me this yesterday maybe I'd believe you." Prince shook his head as he snatched his car keys off the dresser. "But today? I'm not so sure."

My body stood unmoving in the middle of our shared bedroom as he unceremoniously made his exit. A part of me wanted him to stay just so we could work this out right away but I knew he had a temper and that it was best for him to cool off on his own. This is truly the lowest I've felt in a while. I wanted to scream, berate myself, and cry but all I could do was to allow the feeling of loneliness to overcome my body.

I've made a fool out of myself once again at the expense of Rick only this time it could've been avoided. Prince means the world to mean yet I broke his trust because I was too much of a coward to tell him about the letter. The letter I swore meant nothing to me.

I deserved this loneliness.