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A D D I S O N
September 17th 2019
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"So why didn't you tell me." I asked sitting across from Nadia.
"Look, I didn't really know. I thought it was just something small that wasn't really happening." Nadia frowned. I came back to her house around 4am and went to bed in the guest room.
"Well maybe even a heads up like oh just so you know our best friend is fucking your ex!" I put on an accent.
"Listen, you were gone okay. You had moved on. I keep to myself most days now and only really hang out with Luke, so I really didn't know about anything." Nadia continued to make the eggs. I sighed.
"I'm not mad. Or jealous." I point out.
Both her and Luke gave me a side glance.
"What! I'm not!" I pout.
"So what's going on with you and Cal?" Nadia raises a brow.
"Ew, nothing." I scrunch my nose.
"That's a bit different then what he said-" Luke mumbled.
"Was it really that bad?" Nadia asked. Oh no.
"Was what-"
"Morning babe." Calum voice said as I heard the door open. No- No.
"Babe?" I spat.
"Babe." He smirked and nodded almost confirming my thoughts. No, no no!
"Can I speak to you in the bathroom." I put on a sweet smile. He nods following me into Nadia's guest washroom. I closed and locked the door behind us the turned to push him.
"Ow!" He groaned. "What was that for!"
"What was that for? Huh, babe?" I roll my eyes. "What did you tell them!" I whisper shout.
Calum bites the inside of his cheek until I glare at him.
"Look I told the boys in our groupchat that you and me went back to my apartment-"
"You-You-"
"And then I didn't think they believed me so I went into detail-"
"You, in detail, told not only my ex, but my brother and Michael how you fucked me?" I raise my brows not understanding how someone could be so stupid.
"Well when you put it like that-"
"Well there no other way to put it Calum!" I furrow my brows, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Well Michael already knows it not true, but Ashton doesn't! Look I just need Ivy to get jealous enough to leave him." Calum pouts.
"I'm sick of lying to people Calum." I shake my head.
The day finally came, I got on the plane and left. Kissing Ashton goodbye and wishing my family happy holidays that I wouldn't be making anytime soon. Michael even drove me to the airport. I told Ashton it would be easier that way. The ride was quiet and tense. After leaving him out of my decision I thought Michael would never talk to me again. But he told me he would be here for me even if I left him out.
I hugged Michael tightly when we got to the airport.
"I'm sorry. I had to do it." I close my eyes crying on his shoulder.
"Just take care of yourself, okay?" He asked. I nod. The plane was beginning to board so I had to go. Soon I was leaving behind everything I had ever known and looking into the sea. The flight went into the night and it was peaceful. My plane was empty, I had basically no one near me. I placed my hand on my stomach and let some tears fall.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled softly, as I looked out over the shining sea in the dead of the night. "I'm sorry I couldn't be a mother to you. I'm sorry I'll never get that chance." I shut my eyes. Normally I'd be so happy to travel but the heartbreak that remained on the landing ground built a pit in my stomach.
Michael was right.
I was all alone.
But I was all alone with you.
"I can't keep lying." I shake my head.
"You have to help me!" Calum outstretched his arms to grab mine. "Please!"
"No Calum!"
"I'll tell him about the baby!" Calum yelped then looked like he instantly regretted what fell from his mouth.
"W-what?" I asked, my body began to shake.
"Nothing!"
"H-how did y-you- know? Michael-"
"No Michael didn't tell me anything-"
"Then how did you know!" I snapped.
"My team went to California. I knew I recognized you. You had the small baby bump, so I just pretended like I didn't see anything. Michael knew?" Calum asked. I dug myself a hole and the dirt was caving in on me.
I nodded, unable to talk. Barely able to breathe.
"Sit- Sit down." Calum helped me to the ground. He sat with me. "It's okay, I'm not gonna tell Ashton, I was just in the moment, you know?" Calum tried to calm my breathing.
"You can't tell anyone!" I whisper yell.
"Addison, what happened to-"
"I can't- Calum- I can't-" I began to cry as he held me.
"It's okay, Addison." He soothes, rubbing my back.
One more person knew my secret. A secret I didn't even want a single soul to know about.
And the two that had to figure it out, barely share a brain cell between the both of them. My body trembled and my hands wouldn't stop shaking. I was positive I looked like a frozen penguin. I didn't know how to react. Even with one more person aware, it felt like my world was falling apart.
So I just sat there, and cried into his arms. And no offence to Calum, but I really just wanted this to be arms of Ashton Irwin.
I wanted him to know, but I could never tell him. I couldn't live with the guilt of him knowing. I already live with the guilt of him not knowing.
And that was heartbreaking enough.
