Through My Eyes |PJM Fanfiction|

~20~

"Are you sure you're alright Y/N?.."

After you and Jimin made it back to his apartment without being seen, you simply nod and look down at his floor with tearstained cheeks, your legs still feeling like jello from the earlier events.

"Yeah...I um...I'm fine...I'm alright...just a little shaken up is all."

"Who were those people?.."

"Just...some people from my past..
It's nothing to worry about Jimin...I um...I hate to miss Jungkook but I think I'm going to head home....it looks like it's going to start pouring.."

You can tell Jimin's obvious disappointment and your heart shatters, shame crawling it's way through your chest as you look uop at him with sad eyes.

I'm sorry Jimin...

You can't see my tears...and I don't want Jungkook to either...

You both seem so tender...like you're teetering on the edge of falling apart yourselves...my problems would only make things so much worse.

I can't let you know what happened..you already look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders...

Plus...

Would you be able to think of me the same if you knew everything?..

Would you think of me the same as everyone else does?...

"Its alright Y/N, Jungkook will be fine I'll explain to him you had to go home for not feeking well. I hope you can get to feeling better..."

"Thanks...oh, your sweatshirt-"

"No. Please keep it, it's getting colder outside."

You swallow hard and walk over to Jimin, tenderly wrapping your arms around his waist and pushing your face onto his stomach as he freezes in shock.

"Have a good night Jimin..."

"Y-You t-too Y-Y/N..."

Jimin stiffly pats your back before you pull away and hold onto your denim jacket, the very sight of it bringing more tears to your eyes.

I have to get out of here...

I feel suffocated.

You quickly make your way out of the building and into the cool dewey night air, your hands tugging the hood of Jimin's sweatshirt over your head to keep you from being seen.

I feel like I'm going to pass out.

How would they even know...

They wouldn't know I'm here.

Did they possibly see me?

Will it happen again?

I'm so scared.

You grit your teeth and empty your lunch into a trashcan on the side of the street, your stomach twisted in pain from the fear spreading through your whole body.

I don't want to move again.

They can't find me.

What if it happens again?

What if they find out I moved here and start it all over?

You carefully wipe your mouth off and stand back up straight as you look up at the sky, the heavy rain clouds clotted in different shades of white and grey, masking the entire city in a sorrowful atmosphere.

Ah...

More and more rain...

Sometimes I wonder if it'll ever be sunmy again...

The city streets are quilted in fog from the low hanging storm clouds as your boots splash in the thin puddles pooled on the sidewalk, the melancholy dreadful weather matching your current mood.

Ahh...

I just want to go home...

I want to go home and mom be there...cooking delicious meals for me...her regular smile...not one so strained from sickness and pain...trying constantly not to look sick for my sake...keeping the small thread of sanity I have left from snapping in half...

I can't go see her today...I saw her this morning...I'll just go home today...I'm too sad to look at her...

You quickly walk down the street and onto the muddy path that leads to your house, the big log cabin already in your vision past the thick lump of trees.

My home..

The place that gave me safety from it all...

Who knew it would become such a beacon of pain.

To avoid the newly falling rain you quickly make your way inside of the house, the lights buzzing when you flip the giant switch.

The living room...

Which used to be so full of life...

Now just empty..

Only occupied by me when I have the strength to even get here...

Throwing your jacket on the expensive suede couch you fall onto it and push your muddy combat boots onto the wood floor, another tear dripping down your cheek and onto the warm fuzzy hoodie Jimin gave you.

This is so warm...

I can't remember the last time I was this warm...

You feel a slight chill on your feet so you look down and give a sad laugh at your sock, the multiple holes in them showing from long wear.

There was a time they would've freaked out if I was wearing something with holes in it.

I guess sometimes life can really take a turn for the worst.

One minute you have everything, the next you have nothing.

Except...a new hoodie.

You bury your face into the soft grey material of the sweatshirt, the soft hint of Jimin's cologne causing your cheeks to turn pink.

It smells like him...

Jimin...your story seems like it could be even sadder than mine...

Your baby brother...who seems like he's a five year old boy rather than an eighteen year old man...

Your own self...so uptight and proper one would think you came straight out of the book we're reading...

I want to ask so badly...but I don't want you to have to think of your sad times...

You look up at the picture on your mantle and smile sadly at it, the old photo making your heart drop to your stomach.

I miss what it used to be...

Before I moved...

Before mom got sick...

I wish I could have it all back...

I wish I could've met Jimin before it all happened...

Because then maybe...

I could accept these feelings I'm seeming to develop about you...

(A/N): Theories yet? I'm so curious 👀