Vikk's P.O.V.
Everyone knew Ethan has asthma, he was open and talked about it and no one had any issue with it, but I couldn't do the same. Little Vikk, the nerdy one, the smart one, adding asthma on top of that was like asking to be picked on and I was already struggling enough as it was. I didn't want to give them another reason to tease me.
Recording the videos that required a lot of physical exertion were the worst and often times I found myself verging on an attack, either an asthma attack or a panic attack because of the threat of my asthma. I hated it. I had no control over it and the only way I could stop them was hiding in my car for 10 minutes, using my inhaler and hoping it didn't flare up again.
With shaking hands I packed everything for the upcoming video, my camera, a spare jacket, spare shoes, a water bottle and some snacks. But where was my inhaler?! I was already late, I had overslept through my alarm and my anxiety was very high so I didn't have any time to be hesitating. Where could it be? I had had it the day before at the gym- oh no. I internally swore. I had left it at the gym the day before and I didn't have any spares, there was no time to get it now so I would just have to hope and pray that I could get away with not running this video, and that my anxiety didn't get too high.
I would be okay, I finally decided as I locked my apartment door behind me, it shouldn't be too bad.
-------------------------------------------------
Oh boy was I wrong. The video we were filming involved quite a lot of running up and down a soccer pitch and it was only a few minutes before my chest began to heave, my throat feeling dry and almost like it was closing up. I had to stop quite a few times, gulping heavily.
"Keep moving Vikk!" Simon chastised, slapping at my arm as he ran past me. I had slowed down to catch my breath and a shot of panic ran through me because I really couldn't go faster, I couldn't keep up, I couldn't keep going.
I tried to push myself but eventually I had to stop completely, reaching out to lean against the wall. I could barely stand on my own, my vision was blurring. My chest was heaving now, my lungs burned and I couldn't breathe, throat closing over- some of the boys were yelling at me to keep going but I couldn't hear them.
A hand landed on my back. I was heaving now, panicking because I simply couldn't breathe.
"Vikk? Vikk!?" The voice belonged to Harry and I strained to focus on it- but it was no use. "Shit! Ethan, I need your inhaler!"
"What!?" He replied, confused.
"I need your inhaler! NOW!"
There was no more talk after that and Ethan ran to grab his inhaler but I was already choking up, the attack was getting worse. I couldn't even pull air into my lungs anymore and my vision was beginning to go, at least until the inhaler was shoved into my mouth and the button was pressed. The relief was almost immediate.
I relaxed back as my breathing slowed and my vision returned, but the panic quickly returned. They knew, they knew. The one thing I had kept hidden for so long because it made me feel weak and useless and less worthy than I already felt was out in the open- and I was scared.
"Vikk...?" Harry asked, his voice soft. "Are you okay?"
I didn't look up, my chest still heaving. I was on the verge of a panic attack now even though the asthma attack had passed.
"Wait?! You have asthma Vikk!" Ethan interrupted as he snatched his inhaler back from Harry's hand, staring down at me. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Ethan!" Harry chastised, his hands very gently moving to cover my ears. "He hasn't told us for a reason you idiot! Leave him be!" He turned back to me, leaning down so he could whisper in my ear. "Do you want me to take you home?"
"Please." I whispered, rubbing my eyes.
I heard Harry quickly speak with the others and although someone did try to argue, he shut them down very quickly. Finally he took my hand, pulling me to my feet and leading me over to his car, helping me into the passenger seat. My breathing was still erratic and I was almost crying too, so I buried my head in my hands and tried to forget about it. Harry didn't speak until we pulled up outside my apartment.
"Come on Vikky, let's get you inside and settled." He whispered, once again taking my hand. I only nodded.
It was only after I was inside and lying on the couch, tucked under a blanket with a movie beginning, that Harry spoke.
"I know I'm going to ask what all of the others are thinking but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know you've kept it hidden for a reason." I nodded slowly. "Why did you never tell us that you had asthma? It would have made recording easier and we wouldn't have pushed you so much."
"Because I feel a... an obligation of sorts. I'm the smallest one, the nerdy one. I want to do my best to represent people like me." I muttered. "People knowing makes me feel... weak. I already get picked on enough."
"Oh." He mumbled, looking away. "I- oh."
"Yeah."
I turned away from him and closed my eyes for a moment, Harry leaning back on the couch beside me. He was thinking deeply, coming up with something to say.
"I think I understand that." He finally said, his arm moving to wrap around my shoulders. "I can see why you didn't tell us actually."
We didn't say anything more for a little while and eventually I moved to rest my head on his chest, able to relax a little.
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Please." I mumbled. "Don't leave."
He didn't. He stayed with me as I fell asleep on top of him, his hand running through my hair, unintelligible words meant to comfort me. Just as I was about to drift off I felt his lips press to my forehead. I smiled to myself. This was something I could used to.
