BEHIND A SMILING FACE

11. Into the Unknown

It's okay to be a glow stick.
Sometimes we have to break
before we shine.

_______________

11. Into the Unknown

    I lazily made my way down the stairs, running my hand through my messy bed head; my fingers getting trapped in my kinky, matted coils.

  What an awful dream I had. In my dream dad sent me away to leave with the devil's spawn and it was just horrible.

    Suddenly, there was a loud crash and the noise of shatter brought me back to the unfortunate reality that this was not a dream.

    “Are you okay Mom?” I asked rushing into the kitchen.

   “Oh, hey baby,” she said timidly as she swept up the splinters of the shattered plate.

    “How did that happen?”

   “I just uhmm,” she answered as she threw the debris away, “It fell, by accident.”

   As she returned from the trash can, I noticed an empty bottle of Belvedere laying carelessly on the counter. I chose to not comment.

    “Okay,” was my simple reply.

    I hated the fact that I had to live with my mom, but, for the sake of my mental health I might as well come to some sort of understanding with her, since dad was adamant that I would not be coming back with him till after a year of living with her.

   “Bagel or bread?” she asked holding them in front me.

   “Bagel.”

   Her eyes were bloodshot red like she'd been crying for long hours on end, no doubt she was after my little tantrum yesterday. I could tell that it had taken a toll on her and she genuinely seemed as if she was really sorry for the things she did in the past.

   I vowed then that I would make an effort, though it will be very, very hard for me to find it in my heart to forgive her.

   “Well, I'll just slice it then,” Mom said as she tried to grasp the bread knife in hand.

    Her hands were both trembling uncontrollably. It was then that my eyes caught hold of the tiny transparent bag on the counter, with the white stuff.

   “Nevermind,” I said suddenly losing my appetite, “I'll skip breakfast. ”

   “Are you sure Ashlynn?”

   “Yes,” I said glancing at the clock for the time.

   I had approximately 35 minutes to get ready for school which starts at eight.

   “Ca-an, can you drive Ashlynn?” Mom stuttered as she drank some of her coffee.

   “ Yeah I can.”

  “Take my car, ” she said sipping her coffee.

    “Why can't you drive me?” I asked not that I wanted her to, but I needed the confirmation that she wasn't knocked up again.

   “I just can't okay, I feel a bit sick” She snapped, “Just go get ready.”

   “Fine.”

    I showered and ironed my uniform. It was a coral white dress shirt, with studded collar, and a plaid navy blue and dubbonet pleated skirt.

   The rules were that we had to wear it with black, off black or navy blue stockings. The only jewellery allowed was your watch, a set of simple earrings and one other additional jewellery, excluding other bodily piercings.