BEHIND A SMILING FACE

AUTHOR'S INPUT

Society.

That's a major factor in why, in life nothing is worth it.

Society is the confusing b*tch that makes you do drugs, smoke weed and waste money on plastic surgery when you're gonna die anyways.

It's the magazines that say thinner is better, yet music says it's all about that bass.

It's the people that say that blue eyes and long blonde hair only is gorgeous, yet they say stop the racism.

It's the media that constantly portrays homosexuality, then when you tell your best friend you're gay - you are shunned.

Simply put, society is confusing, contradicting and everything in between. It promotes nothing but negativity, yet expects to reap positivity. Completely backwards.

Now when you put negativity in, rainbows and unicorns will never ever come out. However in my case when you put positivity in you get the opposite out,.....so messed up.

You are told you have the right to freedom of speech, yet everytime I try to open my mouth, I am told to shut up or get lost. I had dreams, big dreams. I wanted to graduate with flying colours, captain something or maybe even have an actual boyfriend. I wanted to be a lawyer and serve justuce to all who deserved it. But now I just want out. Out of this misery, out of my pain, out forever. I try to stay positive I really do, but when you live in a society of liars and cheats there's really nothing good your brain can tell or call you but...

Ugly,

Fat,

Dumb,

Worthless,

Waste of oxygen.

Thoughts that could all easily be replaced if, society was different.

I'm not blaming society for causing my never ending list of problems. Because to be honest one could choose to ignore the messages around us (but let's just be real not many people will) Nope. I'm blaming society for not fixing it. I know and have known for a long time now that the world just cannot be fixed but honestly, I really just hoped people in the society would at least try to help those of us who are struggling. Everyone is obssessed with how they can make their own life better. Everyone loves the two letter word me. It's all about me, always me me me.

The fact that I'm not cared about does not kill me. It crucifies me, rips out my heart then brings me back to life and chokes me to death again. I am not beautiful. I am not selfie sexy or even basic picture perfect. Why? Maybe the creator just doesn't want me to feel the joy of being gorgeous. Maybe he wanted me to always be afraid of joing a social network because no one would even bother to check my account.

Maybe - its a word that suggests uncertainty. A word that is used by most people and is often associated with regret.

Well I regret being born. If I was never born, I would never ever experience pain, much less know the meaning of agony. Agony is the word that describes how I feel when I see sunlight through my bedroom window and realize I have to endure another day of all this crap.

The saddest thing is there is no one to talk to about my problems who would understand. Who wouldn't look at me in a different way and judge me. Not my dad; he's too busy with work, not my stepmom; she's to vain to even say good morning to her own husband. Definately not Jessyca-Tai, my stepsister because she is just like a Victoria, only she's eighteen, in college and is a part time model for some nail polish company - yeah because her nailbeds are oh so perfect. *Sarcasim intended*

Don't even dare talk about Guidance Counsellors because as soon as their done 'encouraging' you, they go home and take like ten antidepressants. Well most of them do anyways.

That's why I'm writing this book, here on wattpad. To vent my feelings, its like my own personal diary. I hope that one of you guys are listening, well in this case reading and understanding how I feel. This is the only method for me to feel some sort of relief. You will never know who I am, what I look like or where I live. You could be passing me a can I can't reach in Walmart, prescribed me a paracetamol in CVS before, shaked my hand when you gave me an award, hell you could've probably seen me in the subway millions of times before and not know it was me. That's a good thing because that way when you read this, if you have a heart enough to, you won't be able to negatively judge me like everyone else does. And that's how its always gonna be.

Inconspicuous.

______________________________

Hey guys!!!

I doubt anyone is reading this, but if you are, just wanna say you're a load of peaches!

Thank you for reading, and please please please with whipcream and rainbow sprinkles on top, vote, comment & follow. I know some of you are probably a little confused but if you message me I'll be more than happy to answer ALL your questions.

Love ya loads.