BEHIND A SMILING FACE

24. Floating in Oblivion

I prefer to be oblivious than realistic.
For with this present knowledge, I am unable to cope.

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24. Floating in Oblivion

   Numb.

    A feeling of emptiness, that causes one in most cases to be held in one position for very long. I can still hear it everyday. Those four little words, such small words uttered from his mouth and yet they caused great damage.

   I couldn't care less that Rebecca is pregnant, I mean deep down I honestly expected it.What puzzles me is the fact that Levi is the father.

  How is that even possible? How could he have been so careless? Why did it have to be with Rebecca? I would've been a million times more happy if it had been with a homeless old man living on the corners of Brooklyn, who thought that ducks were the rulers of the world and it was indeed okay to eat shoe polish.

I know it's out of the blue and absolutely ridiculous, but even so I would've been content. It's just Rebecca is so, so...disgusting, repulsive, grotesque.

    I eased back in the large, tan leather couch and continued to let my pool of thoughts engulf me. Never before had I been so worried, confused, furious and everything in between.

   “You're not still thinking about it, are you?” Jacques asked as he turned down the television and directed a worried gaze towards me.

   “No,” I lied. “Of course not.”

   “ You're a terrible liar,” he chuckled.

   “Fine,” I said releasing an unknown sigh. “ I'm thinking about it, it's just so messed up.”

   “Who is this Levi?” Jacques asked as he flipped through the channels on the television.

   I looked up from my position beneath his arm, snuggled close to him on the sofa. Right there I felt so warm, and cared for as if everything was perfect, though it wasn't.

   I remember exactly how upset I had been that day, when Levi dragged me outside the cafeteria and told me. I was so shocked and infuriated that I  marched straight to Jacques' classroom, and left Levi there hanging.

    I had thrown myself down on his desk and started crying, and I wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe it was because somewhere deep down inside, there was a part of me that still wanted Levi and I to be more than just friends.

But of course, Rebecca the girl who hadn't learned the art of using a contraceptive, had to ruin that for me, like she ruins everything else.

    I returned my gaze towards him and studied his face intently as he focused on deciding what his choice of entertainment for the evening would be.

   “Levi is my friend,” I stated for what seemed like the millionth time, “Are you even paying attention Jacques?”

    “Huh?” He asked finally glancing at me, “Sorry, okay, where were we? Oh...yes, so this Levi is your friend,who is now also a father, right?"

  “Yes.”

  “And this bothers you because?”

     “He's too young an he's not ready yet,” I replied thinking about it all again.

   “Your friend should've been more careful,” he replied leaning into me.

   “But that's the thing, it's Levi. He's always careful, which is why I just can't understand why this all happened, it's just so mind boggling, y'know?”