Mind of a Christian

Anxiety and Depression 03 - We MUST Work

Hey fellas. I'll get the good news out now: God has been working tremendously in lifting me up from depression. I've really hit a dangerous low during the time when I posted parts 1 and 2 in Anxiety and Depression, and I also started cultivating a toxic environment among my friends. But for the past two weeks, God has carried me through so that I'm no longer being helplessly crushed by depression.

So, in this chapter, I'll talk about the importance of putting in work to get out of the depression.

In the first "half" of my depression (which is really ~80% of the time I've had it since I've published this chapter), I tried finding reasons and making excuses for me to stay stuck in depression. Maybe this was meant to be an extended trial from God, and that I shouldn't make a premature exit but instead bear my cross. Maybe I can only relate to other people suffering from depression if I'm depressed myself. Or, if God really wanted me out of this depression, He'll whisk me away, and I'll just start feeling better.

There was also a toxic allure to being depressed. It got me warm and fuzzy affection. It allowed me to take my anger out on something or someone. Often, when I hit a depressive low, I would pray to feel better, but as soon as I started feeling better, I felt like it was more satisfying to stay depressed.

It started hurting my friendships, and my best friend called me out on this, and that was a big wake up call. I can't just let my depression walk over me. This life of detrimental, destructive burden isn't what God called me for. God doesn't give trials so that we suffer, but so that we will grow our relationship in Him through the trials.

And so, I started taking action. I started having regular appointments with my psychiatrist and my therapist.. I took my best friend's advice, and when a depressive episode would start, or when the seeds of an anxiety attack would creep in, I would halt it right in its tracks and call on Jesus' name to get it out. I'm killing it before it grows and festers. And, when I'm experiencing feelings (whoa, what are those?), I pause, and take a step back, so that I can analyze what I'm feeling, and why I'm feeling it.

God has been leading a lot of these positive mental health practices too. It's He who's the one telling me, "Ethan, pause. Pause. Don't worry about [x, y, z], because I'll get you through it." And He's been telling me to turn to Him for love and acceptance, since His love and acceptance is better and more steadfast than what other people provide. And to God's credit, He also shows His love through my friends, and I've been hearing a lot of wisdom and encouragement from Him through them.

I still feel the start of depressive episodes. I still feel anxious (the midterm season ain't helping much), and in my short bursts of extreme frustration, the enemy sends a boat load of suicidal thoughts on my way. But, with God's grace, I'm no longer helpless.

And I think that's the key. God's already yearning to partner with us, and in a partnership, both people work together. We gotta realize that we have to do our part in taking care of our mental health.

So, if you're still in the thick of it, I'm rooting for you, and I'm praying for you. We're all in an uphill battle together, but every hill doesn't climb forever, and we're not alone.