The Marshall Mathers Fantasy

Marshall Mathers (Moving Forward)

"Baby I gotta tell you something." I tried saying as I was being attacked by his perfect lips, his hands still wondering,

"Hmmm." Marshall muffled as he still kissed down my neck,

"Marshall, I know this might be a bad time to tell you this but I have to," I started. He stopped and picked up both glasses of champagne and handed one to me. I looked down at the glass in my hand,

"you were probably going to find out later tonight but...I haven't been feeling the best lately, really exhausted, overeating, just not myself." I tried explaining to him,

"Yeah I know babe, I've noticed you've been a little off, I figured it was just planning the wedding and the stress of that." He said taking a sip from his glass.

"Babe, I don't think I should drink tonight, because I might be pregnant," I informed him standing there nervously. He stood in shock before letting out this huge smile setting down our glasses on the desk before picking me up.

"You serious? You bein' forreal?" Marshall had his voice raised,

"Yeah, I'm a week and a half late, and I took a test last night that came out negative and again this morning and it was positive." I tried not to let everyone in the house hear us.

"And what if you are? Do think it's a little soon?" Marshall admitted

" Soon? What is that suppose to mean?" I asked in a confused tone.

"I'm going to be happy either way baby, don't get me wrong. It's only been what a year and a half since we lost Jessica and now with everythin' goin' on with my career, touring this fuckin' lawsuit and everythin' is rate now the best time for a baby?  I still think about her every single day and it fuckin kills me honestly!" Marshall started pacing around the room.

"And I don't? Marshall you were gone most of my pregnancy.  I had to carry her around for all that time, then deal with delivering her after I knew she was already gone." I raised my voice slightly and threw my hands up on my head in sadness.

"Yeah, I know I was gone for a lot of it okay? You don't think I think about that shit. That I don't think about what would have happened if we woulda stayed together? If I wouldn't have fucked around? It goes through my head constantly n' I fuckin blame myself for losing her!" Marshall raised his voice slightly, and at that moment my heart broke. Marshall had never admitted to me that he thinks about her as much as he actually does, and how much he blamed himself for it.

I walked up to Marshall who had his hands pressed against the desk with his head down between his arms and eyes closed, I force his hand off the table and grab it and wrap it around me.

"I don't want to argue or fight or whatever this is. Marshall you're my husband ugh it feels so amazing to finally say that. We JUST got married and I don't want to argue with you already ok? I just wanted you to know, I don't keep things from you babe and I wanted you to know why I wasn't going to be drinking tonight." I comforted him, and he tightened his grip around me and rested his head against my shoulder.

"I'm just scared honestly." He admitted

"Of what babe?" I asked releasing our grip on each other,

"Look what happened last time when I wasn't there to protect you. Anythin' could happen n' what if I'm not there like last time?" Marshall asked in concern. This was clearly still really beating him up inside which only broke my heart to see him hurting this much.

"Marshall shhh, let's not think about stuff like that yet ok? We don't even know 100% if I am." I reminded him.

"Yeah, you're right babe, (sigh) I'm sorry, it's just hard for me to think about and I dont ever want her to feel like we're replacing her." Marshall paused before we hugged again.