Andy Biersack imagines

39. Bad thoughts

A/N: warning: suicide attempt mentioned. It's not very detailed though, so it should be okay. But I'm still warning you Incase
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Andy hasn't been in school at all today. To say I was worried was an understatement. He never skips school without telling me first. I've been texting him all day but he's not responding. It's lunch right now, and he's still not responding, so I'm gonna skip the rest of the day and go check on him just to make sure he's okay. Although the feeling I have in my stomach is making me believe somethings wrong.

When I got to his house, I knocked on the door but no one answered. I know he's here because the lights are on in his room. I grabbed my keys and let myself in. I called out his name, but he still didn't answer. Okay, now I'm really worried. I ran up the stairs and into his room. I knocked on the door but he didn't answer. I tried to open it and thankfully it was unlocked.

I opened the door to his room and found him sitting on his bed holding a razor blade and a bottle of pills. I quietly walked over to him and took the pills and razor out of his hands and set them on the dresser on the other side of the room. He didn't even react or try to fight me, which means he's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't even realize I'm here. I sat down on the bed next to him and gently put my arm around him.

"C-Chloe? Wha-What are you d-doing here?" He said as he finally realized I was there. He also seemed a bit confused and out of it.

"You weren't at school and you didn't respond to any of my texts. I was so worried about you, so I ditched the rest of the day and came here to check on you." I said quietly.

"Why did you stop me?" He whispered.

"Because I love you Andy. I don't know what I would do if you would've actually went through with it." I said as I hugged him.

"You would've moved on and forgotten me like everyone else. Everyone else hates me, and so do I. God I fucking hate everything about myself." He said.

"Andy you know that's not true. I could never forget you even if I tried. I love you too damn much to ever forget you." I said.

After I said that, he hugged me back and hid his face in my shoulder as he broke down into heavy, heartbreaking sobs.

"I-I.." he tried to say something, but ended up choking on his tears and sobs causing him to cry harder.

"Shh honey you don't have to say anything right now. We can talk later once you've calmed down a bit. Right now, just let me hold you. You're gonna be fine. We'll get through this together. You're not alone in this. I'm right here with you." I said as I hugged him tighter and started rubbing his back.

I held him like this until he eventually stopped crying almost an hour later. Once he stopped crying, I pulled away slightly and dried his tears with my thumbs.

"Andy, why didn't you call me if you were feeling like this? You know I would've helped you through it" I said softly as I kept my arm around his shoulders.

"I... I didn't want you to see me like this... I was scared that if you saw me break down like this that you would hate me and leave me. I know you knew I was broken, but I didn't want you to know exactly how broken I really am. I'm so fucking broken nothing can help me." He whispered as he pulled away from me and laid down on the bed, burying his head in his pillow with his arms wrapped tightly around himself, as if he was trying to hold himself together.

He then broke down again and cried hard into his pillow, causing his whole body to start shaking from his sobs. I moved closer to him and ran my fingers through his hair and down his back to try to comfort him in some way. He just kept crying and shaking.

"Andy, honey, I would never leave you. Especially if you're sad or upset about something. You don't have to be scared to break down around me. You can cry as much and as hard as you need to for as long as you need and I'll stay with you and hold you until you're okay again. I love you Andy. I'm always gonna be here for you." I said while continuing to rub his back.

After I said that, he sat up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, clinging to me tightly. He pressed his face into my neck and continued to cry and sob his heart out. I hugged him back even tighter and put one hand on the back of his head and kept rubbing his back with my other. I could feel his tears falling onto my skin, causing it to become damp, but I didn't care. I knew he really needed to cry and let everything out so he could feel better. We stayed like this for a long time until he was able to calm himself down a little.

"I'm sorry.. I don't know what I was thinking.." he whispered after he started to calm down.

Now he was just breathing really heavily and hyperventilating slightly while trying to catch his breath after uncontrollably crying and sobbing insanely hard for almost two hours. He was also still shaking slightly.

"Shh don't apologize sweetie. It's not your fault you're mind made you do this. But I need you to promise me that if you're mind ever tries to make you do this again, you'll call me and let me help you through it. You're not alone in this. I love you too much to let you go through this alone." I said as pulled away slightly to wipe his tears before hugging him tightly again.

"I promise. I love you too Chloe. I don't know what I'd do without you." He whispered as he held onto me as tight as he could.