Give me Faith (Completed)

Chapter 10: Be Still

10: Be Still

KASALUKUYAN KAMING NASA building namin. Wala kaming klase this week dahil foundation day ng University. Nakatutuwa lang dahil parang ito na ang sembreak namin. Nagklase kami ng 1 week for finals na pero okay na rin at least may pahinga. Wala pa kaming sembreak kasi August na kami nagsimula ng klase.

"Nasaan kaya ang may hawak ng attendance?" tanong ni Addielle.

"Siya ata 'yong may hawak ng attendance." Tinuro ni Erynne ang president sa klase namin. Dali-dali na kaming lumapit para makauwi na niyan.

Pumasok lang talaga ako ngayon para sa attendance? Kaloka.

Agad-agad na kaming nagpirma. Napakahalaga talaga ngayong college ang attendance. Kasama rin kasi 'to sa ni-ko-compute na grades. Nag-uwian na agad kami pagkatapos namin makapag-attendance.

"Ano ba 'yan, sayang pamasahe. Eighty pesos din," reklamo ko habang pa-byahe kami.

"Sino bang hindi? Mas malayo pa 'ko sa 'yo. One hundred plus nga sa 'kin e," sabi ni Addielle.

"Para lang sa attendance, hay."

Ang dami ko talagang reklamo sa buhay samantalang mas marami pang mas malala na sitwasyon.

Ngayong gabi ay nandito ako sa bahay at nakahiga na. Nagtago ulit ako sa mga unan. Ito ang paborito kong gawin. 'Yong isa kong unan ay niyakap ko. I imagine na isa itong tao na ni-ko-comfort ako. Wala naman nakalulungkot na pangyayari pero bakit ang lungkot-lungkot ko na naman?

Biglang nag-init ang mga mata ko. Tumulo nang tuluyan ang likido na galing sa aking mga mata. Ang bigat-bigat ng pakiramdam ko sa hindi na namang malamang dahilan. Nakapapagod maging malungkot at makaramdam ng pain inside na hindi mawari kung ano'ng pinagmumulan. Ang pakiramdam ko kasi ay para akong sinasaksak ng maraming kutsilyo.

Hindi dapat ako nag-fo-focus sa nararamdaman kong ito. Ang paningin ko ay nakatuon lang dapat sa Kanya. Temporary lang ang pain at ang lahat ng bagay sa mundo.

I believe that the problems I have is just a simple and easy to see for others but I feel so burdened about it. Why is that? Like now, I feel so sad without any reasons. I can't find the reason why.

I see my life journey as boring-- no thrill or no suspense. But actually, the truth is it has thrill because I struggle so much. But it's so easy compared to the other problems that people have. I'm broken inside; I wanted to be drown with my sadness, to sleep forever, and to harm myself but I'm still fighting because God gives faith to trust His promises and reasons to continue this life.

How did He give me faith? By still waking me up everyday even if I feel I don't deserve it. By still giving me blessings that I don't even pray for. By His Words that gives me hope for everything. Many reasons to state why I still continue.

Maybe there are many reasons to quit but God gives many reasons to still continue, finish the race with Him, to fight the good faith and keep this faith.

Maybe now I can't do what I want like to serve Him according in what my heart desires but I believe God works even if He seems silent. Walang susukong manalangin, self. He's with me no matter how I feel. My feelings may deceive me so I should be careful. Wherever I go, His presence is present. This life overwhelmed us with pain and trials but He's there. He's also celebrating with us in joy and triumphs.

He's always been encountered. He never leave us whatever will happen. He uphold us with His righteous hand. I always cling to the hope given through Jesus' resurrection. It's about faith; it's about what His Words say. Stay connected in Him. I just need to be still. Be still, my soul.