Barely Breathing

Chapter 1

All my life, I have never been independent. I always feel like everyone's caging me and I couldn't spread my wings to fly, high. I don't even understand, why do I need to hide my true identity. I was like a ghost - transferring from one place to another, hiding my identity for some unknown reason. I don't understand why Papa acts like he'll lose me any time and so he won't let me go out alone, without bunches of guys behind me.

My father is the governor of our town that made him known as influential, vigilant yet a compassionate politician. I just don't understand why he needs to hide me as his daughter in public. Sa pagkaka-alam ko, hindi naman masama ang ugali ni Papa. In fact, kaya nga siya tinaguriang pinakamatagal na naging gobyernor ng Arcadia ay dahil sa pagmamahal ng mga tao sa kaniya. Wala akong alam na may naka-away siya. People loves him. People respects him. People would worship the floor he'd walk on. People supports him at all cost. So, I was confused as to why I have to be hidden. The whole town knew that he got married to his wife but they only have three sons and never a daughter. I don't know if I'll get hurt by the fact that he'd kept me hidden for the rest of my life, but that was my father. I have to always forgive him, I guess.

Just like right now, Mama and Papa is fighting about me transferring to another school. This time, not inside the premises of Arcadia, it'll be in Ithaca - the farthest one in Eudaimonia. Kinakailangan mo pang sumakay ng eroplano o kaya ay barko bago makapunta doon. Kaya nga nagagalit ngayon si Mama dahil ayaw niyang mawalay ako sa kaniya.

"You can't do this, Alfonso! For goodness' sake, Astra just turned 16! I will not let you let her live alone in Ithaca!"

Mama kept on insisting na ipa-stay nalang ako dito sa Arcadia dahil hindi niya talaga kaya na wala ako. I am the only unica ija of the Dela Torre. My brothers live in Japan for so many years. I only see them every summer.

"Look, Imelda! This is not the right time for you to argue with me! I am doing this for Astra's safety!"

For my safety again...

"Maaalagaan siya sa Ithaca. Danger will not follow her there. And besides, she'll be with aling Corazon. She will take good care of her together with her sons. Ano bang kinagagalit mo?!"

His voice softened as he gazed at my mother.

"I promise you. We will visit her often."

Nanay Corazon is our mayordoma. Matagal siyang naninilbihan kina mama for at least 20 years. I've grown accustomed to her touch and her caring nature. In fact, I considered her as my second mother. She'd been with me since forever. I've also met her sons and I'm actually really close to them. Katunayan nga ay mas kakilala ko pa ang mga yun kaysa sa sarili kong mga kapatid. Tatlo ang anak ni Nanay Corazon na kasalukuyang nagtatrabaho bilang sundalo ng bansa.

"If you want to exile her in Ithaca then I'll be living with her. I will not let my only daughter live alone in Ithaca."

"Imelda, Smith University is a well-known prestigious university in Eudaimonia. Hindi nila pababayaan ang anak natin. She'll be safe there."

"Safe? Kailan pa naging safe sa paaralang iyon? Baka nakakalimutan mo, madaming nangyayaring kababalaghan sa loob ng university na iyon na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa nalulutas. That university is dangerous!There is no safest place for Astra except here! Can't you understand me, Alfonso? We are talking about our only daughter here, not just someone else!"

Hindi nakinig si papa. Instead, he went away silencing my mother. Naiwan kami ni Mama na mag-isa sa library ng Papa. My mother went to me and embraced me, tight. She let me sit down on the couch as she caressed my cheek gently.

"I'm so sorry, honey. Your Mama can not do anything to stop your Papa right now. I can not change his mind. Nakapagdesisyon na ang Papa mo. Mas gugustuhin ko pang malayo ka sa akin at dalhin sa ibang bansa, hindi iyong ganito na sa Eudaimonia ka lang naman dadalhin ng Papa mo, pero hindi ko naman alam kung totoo bang nasa ligtas kang lugar at nasa mabuting lagay."