The Middle - Volume Three ✔️

Chapter 38 (Patrick)

"I -" She turns to face me, "I feel weird just fucking off from you like this."

I breathe a sigh of relief, glad we're on the same page.

"Me too." I tell her. I've already considered asking her to come home with me, but I don't wanna risk an awkward situation with Joel. And she wants to get home for Benji anyway.

I'm about to tell her I'll drive over to her place. We can let Benji out, maybe watch TV for a while or something, then I'll go home. Sure it's after 1am, but it's Friday night so it's no big deal. We do stuff like this all the time. But she speaks first.

"Will you stay with me?" She sounds so sheepish. Why? She knows how I feel about her. I'm the one that doesn't really know what's going on in her head right now.

And with that in mind, I decide that a sleepover probably isn't the best idea.

"I'll come over for a bit, but I probably shouldn't spend the night." I say, going to get into my car. She doesn't move though and she looks confused.

"Why not?" She asks.

"Well, I told Joel I'd be home. If him or Jay come by your place in the morning they'll find it weird if I'm already there." This explanation makes total sense, even if it's not entirely the real reason I don't wanna stay at her house tonight.

"Oh, okay." She looks disappointed. "You've crashed at my house plenty of times before, it's never bothered them."

"I know, it's just -" I decide to be real about this. "I mean, I don't know what's going on between us. As much as I wanna fall asleep with you in my arms, I don't think it's a good idea, because..."

I pause, unsure if this will piss her off or not. It needs to be said though. "Because I don't wanna do that tonight if I won't be able to continue doing it."

She frowns at me, opens her mouth to say something, then closes it again. I don't want her to be mad at me, but she must understand the position this is putting me in. We can't keep hooking up and spending the night together in bed and all of that shit if it's not gonna last. I don't know about her, but I sure as hell can't do it.

"Okay, I get it." She turns around quickly and finally unlocks her car, pulling the door open and ducking inside.

"Jamie, come on." She leaves the car door open, she's not looking at me but she is still listening to me. "You must understand how hard this is for me?"

I walk over to her car. She turns around to face me and she looks sad. Shit.

"Yeah, well it's hard for me too, Patrick." Her voice sounds so small, and I know from the way she turns her face away from me quickly that she's trying not to cry.

She tries to close her car door, so I rest an arm on it to stop her. She sighs and looks up at me again, and her eyes are shining. Fuck, I didn't mean to upset her.

"Jame, I'm not trying to be a dick." I say softly, trying to explain. "Just think about this from my point of view."

After a pause she sighs and tucks her hair behind her ears before clearing her throat to speak.

"We haven't exactly talked about any of...this." She gestures her hand between the two of us.

I know we haven't. And I know she has a lot going on. A week ago, I never would have expected that she would consider anything with me if I told her how I felt about her. But now... So much has happened between us. I can't help but let myself think that she maybe, just maybe...

"So I guess you're right. We should cool off, or whatever." She looks up at me, her face hard all of a sudden.

Cool off? What the fuck does that mean? She was on her knees in front of me like a half hour ago, now she wants to cool off?

"What do you mean?" I ask her evenly.

"I mean I'm being selfish, asking you to stay with me. Coming around here when you were trying to keep your distance." She sighs. "Lets just...act normal for now, okay?"

Act normal? What the hell does that mean? She wants to forget about everything we've just done and go on as friends? I don't get it.

And why would she think she's being selfish? Obviously I want to stay with her tonight too. I just... I don't know. Does she feel like she's being selfish because she has no intention of... Continuing this with me?

Christ, as if she would ever consider anything with me. What the hell had I expected? That she would come running into my arms and tell me she wants me to be her boyfriend now? It's a ridiculous thought. Of course that was never gonna happen. Okay, so we obviously have sexual chemistry, we both know that now. But it doesn't automatically mean she wants anything more from me. Especially when she still has Noah waiting for her answer. Fuck.

"Okay, I can act normal." I say, my voice coming out a little colder than I'd intended it too.

I let go of her car door and start walking over to my own car.

"All right... So are you coming over tomorrow?" I hear her call over to me.

"I don't know, maybe, we don't usually plan these things. I'll see you if I see you." I call over my shoulder while getting into my car.

I hear her driver door slam closed and her engine start up. She's blocking me in, otherwise I would drive off ahead of her. I feel so stupid, I just wanna get away from her now. How the fuck could I have even entertained the idea that she might actually like me too? She's never given any indication of that over the years, so why would she now? She's discovered I'm a decent lay, thats why she keeps coming around. Well, it's not gonna happen again.

She wants me to 'act normal', so I will.