The Middle - Volume Three ✔️

Chapter 14

Jamie

After Patrick stormed out of my house, Jay and Erin hung out for a while before leaving to get ready for their dinner and movie date. Jay told us Patrick insisted he was fine. He said he hadn't drummed in a while and didn't mean to get so carried away. I don't really think Jay bought it, and Erin said she thought Patrick was feeling a little love sick over his 'special, incredible' girl. I didn't offer any opinions on the matter.

Jay and I jammed for a while, but my heart wasn't really in it. I didn't wanna play guitar, I wanted to get some space. I still do. Which is why I am currently walking along the beach in the pouring rain, heading for my favourite spot over by the caves. I left my phone at home (which seems to be becoming a bit of a habit for me) so I could just get away and give myself some breathing room. I replied to some messages from Aubrey, she and John will be back in North Bridge on the Fourth (Thursday). They've been having a great time together in Ohio and I'm happy for them. She told me Kim has been having a great time with Zach in New York too. I know Joel and Sarah have had a great time together, and Jay and Erin. Hell, even Will and Madison Hudson are probably sitting in a French ski lodge together drinking wine right now. And it's got me thinking, who have I been enjoying the holidays with? The answer is easy.

Patrick. Not Noah.

I didn't have any messages from Noah when I checked my phone before I left, and I didn't send him any. So even if he is gonna show up at my house tonight, I won't feel bad for not being at home. Joel hasn't said anything about Noah in our group chat, and Erin didn't hear from Sarah again. So, I'm hopeful he won't be back in North Bridge tonight. I know I need to talk to him about what happened between me and Patrick, I just don't wanna do it yet. Selfish? Yeah, probably. But I don't care.

I can't stop thinking about Patrick. Okay? There, I said it. He has literally turned my world upside down over the past two days, and I don't think anything is ever gonna be the same again. The look on his face when he left my garage earlier this afternoon pretty much confirms that.

I considered texting him and asking if he was okay. I could have told him I didn't wanna see Noah tonight, regardless of what Erin and Jay were saying. I could tell him I didn't let Erin do my hair and make-up in anticipation of a wild night of passion with Noah, because I knew that wasn't gonna be happening tonight. I could tell him that I fully intend on coming clean with Noah about everything the next time I see him. I could tell him I wish Noah wasn't part of this. He's not part of what we have. Jay, Joel and Patrick come first, always. Patrick comes first.

But I just can't seem to bring myself to actually tell Patrick these things. I need more time to think. Because so far, I haven't come up with much.

So far, I'm thinking the following: Noah has been nothing but drama from the word go. But my initial attraction to him was so real. And it's still there. Noah is hot, and our personalities are totally compatible. Sure, we don't have music in common, but so what if one of the most important aspects of my life isn't that big a deal to Noah? It doesn't matter that much, right? And so what if Noah made his way through half the girls at NBU after he decided he didn't wanna be with me the first time? He was confused. He didn't know what he wanted. He still doesn't...

And Patrick? Fuck. He's my best friend, always has been. The idea of him being anything other than my best friend and bandmate is... Well, I don't know exactly. It didn't stop me sleeping with him anyway. Christ. But Patrick and I could never be an actual couple. Come on! The idea is laughable. Even if I were to entertain that idea for a second...  He's not exactly an angel. He's slept with the majority of girl's he's ever talked to, and he's never given any of them a chance. Well, besides that Amanda girl. But he did say the only reason he's never given any girl a real chance is because of me. He said no girl has ever compared to me. But he could have told me how he felt about me years ago! We could have sorted this out a long time ago. And where would we be now? Would The Middle still exist? I just don't know.