I am not happy
"Jeongguk, I'm leaving for Europe tomorrow."
Seokjin says suddenly. Jeongguk looks up from his mug of ginger tea with an eyebrow raised. He's never surprised when Seokjin has to leave anymore--he was an international model with a busy career. He's more caught off guard because
Seokjin is actually telling him this time.
"Oh? How long will you be gone?"
Seokjin sighs, fiddling with the string of the tea bag in his own cup. "I... don't know. Maybe a year?Two?"
Something twists in Jeongguk's stomach. "That long?"
"Yeah. They want me to launch my fashion line soon so I'm moving back to France for the time being."
Seokjin eyes Jeongguk hesitantly, but the younger man is the picture of cool indifference.
"We should cut things off then," Jeongguk says, voice even as he raises the mug to his lips. "A lot can happen in two years."
"That's true." Seokjin smiles softly. Jeongguk was always like this. No fuss. No attachments, no arguments. He's almost disappointed, but mostly he's relieved.
They finish their tea in relative silence. Jeongguk had cooked him dinner, and they had spent the night in. It was nice spending time in the company of Jeongguk. It was the only time Seokjin ever felt calm in his hectic life.
So Seokjin almost feels a twinge of regret as they stand at the doorway; Jeongguk eerily quiet as Seokjin puts on his coat.
"Jeongguk, I want to ask something of you." He knows that he's probably about to push too far; stepping out of his place.
"Yes?" Seokjin sighs, face dropping into a frown as he takes in the younger man, dressed casually in dark jeans and a sweater. Suddenly, Jeongguk looks more like his tender age of twenty six, and Seokjin feels all of his own thirty years.
"I'm saying this because we've known each other for more than five years now. And I really do care about you."
Jeongguk's head tilts in question, and Seokjin reaches out to cup his face.
"Please. Open your heart. The world is a dark place. But there is good. And one day, you're going to find someone who can be your sun. Don't push them away."
Jeongguk's eye twitches, eyes turning dark, and Seokjin knows he's putting up his walls again.
"Just... please. When the time is right, you'll know. I want you to be happy."
"I am happy." Jeongguk says, voice like stone, almost frightening in its lack of feeling, but Seokjin knows Jeongguk. He smiles indulgently at the younger man.
"Then be happier," Seokjin steps forward to press a soft kiss to Jeongguk's unresponsive lips.
"Keep in touch." he whispers against Jeongguk's mouth, before stepping back out into the hallway.
Jeongguk nods noncommittally, mumbling something that Seokjin is sure is a goodbye, before closing the door. Jeongguk braces his body against the cold wood, not wanting to open his eyes, because all he'll see is a large, empty penthouse.
I am not happy.
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