Loving the Mafia Lord (COMPLETED ✔️)

16

Isabella pov

Xavier left the hospital to get me clean clothes and a few books to read.  The doctora wont allow me to go home now. So I am forced to stay here whilst everyone is out there looking for my daughter.

I miss her. I miss her so much it hurts but I need to be strong. I cannot break down. I need to heal and be strong for her.

If you had told me a couple of years ago when I found out I was pregnant that I would love my daughter the way I do now I would have laughed in your face. I hated being pregnant and I hated my baby even more. Those nine months of carrying her was hell.

Flashback

I was standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror looking at my swollen stomach. 5 months. I have been pregnant for five fucking months.

As if it was not bad enough that I had to be raped by him everyday of my life but now I had to be pregnant too.

I hate him and I hate having to carry his child. I wish it could just die. I dont want it.

As soon as I give birth to it I am giving it away. 

End of flashback.

Now look at me. Maybe that is why she is gone now. Maybe God is punishing me for those horrible things I said. Maybe this is why Mia was taken from me. To teach me a lesson.

I didnt appreciate her when she was here. I thought little of her life. I didnt value her or love her enough and now this is my punishment.

I lay down sobbing my heart out and only realised Xavier was in the room when he wiped my tears and kissed me.

"We will get her back. " he says and i shake my head.

"Its my fault. I never loved her like a mother should have. I mean some part of me did love her Xavier but another part of me resented her for how she came into this world. She was the living and breathing memory of my worst nightmare. " I sobbed.

"Your a good mother." He said.

"No Xavier. I am not. You love Mia more than I do."

"Thats not true Isabella. I see her with you all the time. I watch how you are when your with her. I know you. You love her. " 

"Yes. I do but not nearly as much as I should. I care about her wellbeing and safety. She gives me strenght to move on and be happy. She is the only thing that has kept me from killing myself.

BUT

I blame her for so many things I could not achieve in my life. I didnt want her Xavier. I was forced to have her. She was forced into my life and fucked up all of the dreams and plans I had for my future. I wanted to be a fashion designer or a model. I dreamt of touring all around the world. I promised myself I would get out of my mothers shitty house and make something of myself. 

All of those dreams died when I had her and all of a sudden I had this little thing to live for. Instead of following those dreams I had to start living for hers.

Sometimes I look at her and all I am reminded of is the pain and than I start wishing her away.

I love her Xavier but not like a mother should love her child.

I am ashamed to admit it but you love my daughter way more than I do.

I am far from being a good mom. I am not a bad one either but far from being a good one. " I finished and looked up at him waiting for a response but all I got was nothing.  He got up from his seat and walked out of the door without saying a word. 

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Enjoy