when i'm gone

day 3 here we come

we were on our way to the concert, billie looking extremely nervous again. i decided i would give her her space and i looked behind my seat to finneas who was writing lyrics in his notes on his phone. "new song?" i rested my shoulder on the top of the bust up black leather seat inside of the not so classy tour bus. finneas looked up and smiled. "definitely." i bit my lip. "what's it called?" finneas's pupils shrunk some until he looked back down at his phone then back up to me, "uhm... dreaming of you, baby. at least that's one idea i've had..." finneas cleared his throat. "awww, that's adorable," i blushed. was it about our baby? about me? or was it about something completely unrelated? was i overthinking it? i don't know.

i looked back at billie who was throwing back advil and swooshing them in her mouth with water until she swallowed the pills painfully. "have you eaten?" i asked her. "i had some soup," billie replied. i nodded. i looked back out the window. i twirled with a piece of my straight hair and studied the very tips that were blonde. i looked up with my big blue eyes. i realized i hadn't had much time to focus on myself. i had a photo shoot in a few weeks and a check up with the baby. i'd soon find out the gender. it was exciting to think about, but i couldn't hide it from billie much longer. one time i made a sound when the baby thumped against my abdomen and she asked if i was ok. of course i said yes, i had only hit my elbow on something. the bump was growing bigger. i hadn't gone cycling with hanna at all. i haven't had time.

i hadn't seen cc or twyla in a while. i missed them so much. maybe i could hang out with them tomorrow if billie was feeling ok. if i was feeling ok. i looked through my text messages and saw dad had texted me a lot. i hadn't spoken to him since the night he came to my house. all of the messages were of him asking if i was ok, how billie was, how the triplets were, if i had talked to mom. he was really trying, but i hadn't really found any love for him even though i'd searched desperately within me the past month. was i bad for that? i hadn't spoken to mom either. a few days ago she sent me a text of red hearts. i just laughed out loud and told billie and finneas the whole thing, which wasn't much, but i told them i found it hilarious how she thought she could win me back that way.

i woke up from my zone out and realized we had arrived at the venue. it was huge and nice. it looked brand new. "scored on this one!" i poked billie in her side. she smiled anxiously in return. i should be used to this by now. "willow, could you help me carry my stuff in?" maggie was clambering out of the car and was struggling with bags filled with tortillas, canned beans, and takis. all of billie's favorites. "of course." i got out and took two bags. billie and finneas followed behind. we were behind the venue, but somehow fans had found a way to us. they screeched in excitement. billie and finneas lit up when they saw them. "hello my babies!" billie called out and opened her arms wide to accept their love. finneas watched with his hands in his pockets, a few of them coming up to him, crying and asking for autographs.

then, a big group of girls ran up to me. "oh my god hi!" one of them exclaimed. "i love you so much! can i please get a picture?" another begged. "do you and billie hang out all day?" a girl with a blohsh beanie on bounced on her toes. "ya, of course, let's get a picture! billie and i practically live together." should i not have said that? they exchanged devious glances as if they were thinking we did mischievous things. awkward... they took a picture with me, all of them holding up peace signs. maggie told all of the fans we had to go inside and they'd see billie and finneas on stage. we waved goodbye and i checked the time. it was 3:30. we were a little early, but we still had sound check and meet and greets. the concert started at 7.