when i'm gone

im only 8

mommy let me stay over for dinner that night at their house. it was the first time i ate without twyla and cc. it felt nice, but it was like a part of me was missing. we ate pasta and it was homemade. it was so good. we all just talked and i felt like a part of their family. once we finished, it was about 7:00 pm. the sunset was starting to happen. "lets go watch it from my tree house!" billie hopped out of her chair. "you have a treehouse?" i gasped in awe. "yep, i-" before we could walk away, maggie cleared her throat and glanced at our plates. "sorry!" billie laughed awkwardly. "let's take our plates to the sink. then go. finneas, do you wanna come?" billie and i set our plates in the sink and waited for his reply. "uh.. maybe in a little." he was distracted. he was trying to fix a guitar string that snapped and couldn't quite get it.

we walked out to their backyard that was much bigger than ours somehow. i loved it. there was a big oak and we stepped inside the pulley. billie hauled us upward and we clambered out onto the wooden deck high above the house. "this is really cool, billie!" i rubbed the wood floor with my hand. "i know. my dad built it for me. i write a lot of songs up here." she pulled an ukulele our from under a blanket. she strummed it and started humming beautifully. "woah, you're good." i just watched in shock. "haha, i know." i admired her confidence. we were both silent. momentarily. "what now?" i asked, wiping the hair out of my face. "we wait for the sunset! duh." i should have known. i scooted farther into the tree house, close beside billie. she placed her hand on mine and swallowed hard. "i haven't had a friend like you in a while. i've never even taken my other friends up here yet. it's nice to have someone like you," she finished in a whisper. my cheeks grew hot and i was flustered.

"wow... thanks. you, too. i've never actually had a real friend besides twyla and cc," i blinked my watery eyes. something else started to blossom inside me and i tried to push the feeling down, but it bubbled inside me. billie grinned at me and scooted closer, our elbows touching. suddenly, billie leaned over and pecked me on the lips. i pulled away and grabbed my mouth. "what was that?" i was shocked. billie exhaled, "a kiss." i just had my first kiss. "was that your first?" i asked her. we were 8 and a girl kissed me. i had never thought of liking girls. i liked finneas, i liked finneas. i repeated in my head as fast as i could. billie nodded, "ya it was. i wouldn't have it with anyone else." this was insane. we were 8. i am too young! i cant kiss anyone. i shouldn't, but i did. i didn't like it! but... it made me feel warm in my belly. i don't like billie, i don't like billie.

we sat in silence for a little while longer. i was staring straight ahead, pondering about life now. billie strummed her ukulele. "i liked it," billie set the instrument down and leaned backwards on her arms. the sun started to disappear behind the houses and hills a ways away. "i never really thought of liking girls. i think i like you, though, if that's what this feeling is. we haven't even known each other for a long time. it's been hardly a week..." billie twiddled with her thumbs anxiously. i stayed quiet for a little while, processing everything. staring at her. her pretty blue eyes and red lips. i leaned over and kissed her, a little longer than before. that was plenty enough said.

we both blushed. i placed my hand on top of hers. we were 8... we watched the sun disappear. "so what does this mean..?" i asked as if i expected something between us. billie rolled her fingertips on the wooden planks. "we can be a thing." i tilted my head. "a thing?" billie snickered, "like, we aren't all mushy mushy like boyfriends and girlfriends, but like each other and not date." i liked the idea, but thought it was complicated. we were 8... i kept thinking in my head. "aren't we young?" i sighed. "love doesn't discriminate," she said confidently more than i have ever heard her say. i guess it doesn't. i nodded. this will be good.