when i'm gone

im only 17

a week passed. a miserable, tiring week. i moved my last box into the small little house i was able to buy with my modeling check. $100,000. i could afford this easily now. i had signed up for more photoshoots which would pay for this place easily. i set down the box and wiped my sweaty forehead. this place would need some work, though. the ac hardly worked and i needed to repaint some of the walls. there were two bedrooms and a nice kitchen and living room. the realtors could hardly believe a 17 year old was trying to buy a house. at first they wouldn't let me, but i pulled some strings and convinced them to let me.

i hadn't spoken to my mom in weeks. twyla and cc didn't either. they had been spending the night at my new place on the blow up mattresses i had. they were even considering moving in i wouldn't mind at all. twyla and i in one room with a crib and cc in the other to have his space. i had to figure out what i wanted first. maybe this place would be temporary. maybe i could afford a better one in a few years. i washed my hands in the sink and looked out the window above to see the pretty road that was decorated with trees and shrubs. i sat down in my new couch and relaxed every muscle in my body. i was exhausted. i went on my phone and went to billie's texts. i was expecting her call tonight. most of the texts that were shared were blue; sent by me. only a few were of paragraphs that explained her day and how the concert went. billie was furious when i told her about my mom. i never told her the reason why, though. at least the real reason. i told her it was because i had been sneaking out too much.

i missed her so much. finneas responded more regularly. i told him everything. he check in on me everyday. he was furious, he told me he was coming back but i told him not to be ridiculous. i can handle myself. school started tomorrow. i had gotten myself everything i needed. senior year. great. i was only going to be doing the first semester, then homeschooling. i figured it would be a good excuse that modeling was the cause, not because i was pregnant.

i slept good that night, but it was kind of lonely with no one around. i always used to someone being there. i guess i wasn't alone. i put my hand on my abdomen and grinned as my finger tips brushed my warm skin. it'll be ok. this will be ok. you're 17.