when i'm gone

making it by

at school, i was only popular because i was best friends with billie eilish. little did they know we were dating. guys obsessed over me and twyla because we were models and we were stunning. cc dated every hot girl at school. i sat in class impatiently, learning about things i didn't plan on ever using or aspiring to be. i just wanted to model and be in love. they never teach you about love. i walked down the halls and saw guys eyeing me up and down. it was annoying. little did they know i was pregnant.

the rest of the week went on. i had a couple
more photoshoots and i would get all the checks at the end of the month which would be in 2 days. each check ranged around $50,000. sweet! i still hadn't spoken to my mom. i had to admit, i missed ej. he was adorable and precious. he had no idea what was going on. it was 12 am, saturday night. i was laying in my blowup mattress, just thinking when my phone dinged. i sat up and held my phone close. i was getting more and more texts who were from billie and finneas. their concert must have just ended.

billie: "hi babe. just finished one hell of a concert. i miss you. stay strong my precious. when i get back, you're coming to my house everyday. you should have just moved in with us! we could have shared a bed ;). it's not too late to sell your house and come with us when i'm back. think about it. i'm exhausted. you're probably sleeping, but ily. 💞"

finneas: "hope all is well. are you feeling ok? need anything? hope you sleep good in your new place. can't believe your so young and you live alone now. your mom doesn't understand what she's missing out on. does she know it's me? good night."

i answered each one.

to billie: "you are invincible keep going hard at your concerts. i watch every show on insta:). i need to see how i last in this house first... there might be more than just me living here. rest good bbg you need it!!❤️"

to finneas: "i'm ok. existing yknow. ya i'm p amazing. no one else could pull this off haha. my mom is just a bitch and no. she didn't care to know. it doesnt bother her. i mean... what if i was raped? not saying you raped me, but she doesn't understand the situation. she doesn't need to. gn."

i set down my phone and stared at the ceiling. tomorrow i had to go to the doctor and tell them everything. i dreaded it. going alone. no one to support. i shook that thought out of my head. i'll text twyla and cc tomorrow, i know they'd be there for me. they worry about me day and night now, it's almost annoying. they bring me groceries everyday and have dinner with me every night. they cook for me and clean out the boxes full of clutter. they even went out and bought me a new bed. i appreciated all of it, though. i just wanted billie to come back. i know i need to tell her the truth, but i don't want it to end there. our relationship, i mean. i want us to continue being with each other and i want to tell her parents everything so they aren't oblivious and so maybe... maggie will be there for me. to comfort me when my mom really couldn't.