English Education

Teaching Reflection

Teaching Reflection

I got to observe a private middle school classroom as part of my undergrad, and saw multimodal composition, student-centered writing, metacognitive strategies, studying of literary and compositional genre. It helped that both of the teachers I observed where from Georgia State - as I could see the practical application of what I had learned in regards to student writing projects and literary texts that relate to the student. I was excited, because it seems as if the instructional research pedagogy that pervades the university at large is finding it's way into schools. Everything the students were doing involving writing and literature was for their purpose - researching and writing about topics that could be revisited later in their academic career. When it came to fundamentals, the writing teacher focused on application of grammar within the writing context, instead of focusing so heavily on grammar. Still, the overarching question remained, how to implement these strategies in a school where they set the curriculum for you; and where you're too young to have a say to implement changes anyway.

In my previous teaching position at a Montessori Preschool, I loved my job, even though I felt in the end like I had to leave it. I got to interact with future students from various language backgrounds and mixed-race families. I saw a variety of what I learned in my Educational Psychology program come to life - such as children's motivation, the importance of multicultural texts, the learned relations between these students to school, scaffolding, and the importance of community building programs / techniques. Getting the students to think of themselves as a community both among themselves and to their teachers is a strategy that works all the way from infancy to adulthood.

A major scaffolding process I had to implement was behavioral. My employers assumed a level of expertise that I didn't have - that I had 6 years of teaching. I almost got fired, before I had to implement a new strategy called

"The List." I hated this strategy because it felt so childish, associated good behavior as a requirement, and later - felt like a method of intimidation. I basically wrote the good and bad things the students did that day, and left it on Mrs. Cora (one of my bosses) desk. She never read it, thought it was childish, and that I should be able to implement these strategies on my own. Nevertheless, it did work for the entirety of last semester, though I had given it up towards the middle and end of the summer. I also saw firsthand how students dealt with stereotypes. I don't think many of the women that now work in Early Childhood Education understand the relation of stereotypes to a child's future - but many did dehumanize some of the black girl, and troublesome autistic boys; while simultaneously lifting up the Asian students as the "model minority." I chose this place because the school was so diverse, including the staff (I was the only white girl among an older white woman and a Slovakian immigrant woman.) Ultimately, I did not like the bad habit of intimidation I was picking up from my staff - habits they were so readily able to point out at me, but never look at themselves the same way.

I have enjoyed my time getting to know the kids I have had. I like to think, in some way, I've taught them how to get inspired by things and about emotional management. The only overarching thing I've learned from my job, however, is that teaching is very hard. Young staff get frequently picked on, and expressing your concerns (at least in my case) was seen as challenging the bosses and owner's authority. I was always cleaning the rooms while my coworkers sat looking at their phones, and I hardly ever got appreciated. I found that they use the sound of slapping to intimidate children into behaving, after 1 and a half hours of being berated to as a "selfish, disrespectful" person with "PTSD" that "disturbed the peace and nearly ruined careers"e for suspecting child abuse. Mrs. Cora, for example, was always very manipulative. She could never say anything to your face, but she would talk the world about you behind your back to other employees in an effort to manipulate and make you feel uncomfortable. There was no employee I can remember working there that I fully trusted. It was very hard for me to leave, even after 9 months, because I could never get on their good side anyway and if I didn't - how would I get a good recommendation? I've applied to 3 jobs since, and only heard back from one - whom I still haven't started employment with. One bad recommendation can ruin everything! Even when I could have been their most hard-working employee, they didn't care.

In preschool particularly, parents have gotten worse. One little mistake for immigrant families and families of color is seen as a major sign of disrespect. At one point, I myself was being investigated for child abuse, simply because of the lack of the morning teacher to mark when they got their bruises. Pleasing the parents is such a particular thing - my coworkers, for example, may smile and be super friendly, while going back to staring at their phones and not interacting with the kids. Meanwhile, I loved all the kids equally and loved playing with them, but the simple act of mistakes or being too tired to be friendly to the parents when they came to pick up their child would translate to them not trusting me in return.

I also could not do many of the things that I wished to do with the kids. I had to always stick to a particular schedule - read the class a book (not until the last two months of my employment), Montessori toys until 4, snack, art with 1 sheet of paper, then some community games / reading until the parents came to pick them up. I couldn't read or teach much because of their age - having to keep them from killing each other, and cleaning so that the owner wouldn't have to pay me an extra hour. I couldn't do artwork with the kids, which I felt really would help improve their motor skills, simply because it made a mess. I did get Rollins Center training - which I'm certain I would be able to use to help a child become more literate through conversation. Some of my toddlers like Sam, Vedant, Abraham, Amber, Jade, and Enzo all improved in their English skills drastically because I had completed my required training for the year. Still, after a while, I stopped growing at my job. Perhaps it was that this wasn't the right age group for me, perhaps it was that there wasn't an raise, or any opportunities. Perhaps it was just that I got so sick of my coworkers. I'm worried about being stuck in a routine like my previous job, being bored, being payed little, and still having to put up with a lot from coworkers and parents. To be honest, when it came to teaching, having this much stress was not what I had in mind. I know my classroom management skills could still use some improvement. There were times during my employment that I was elated with the opportunity to work with these kids. My experience with staff and parents, however, just wasn't satisfying.

I like my subject. Writing pedagogy means a lot to me. Educational psychology, multicultural education, being around children, and feeling like I can affect people's lives is important. I don't even think my college education has prepared me enough for the bicultural, bilingual students that will eventually overtake U.S. schools - children with very little understanding of difference or the political issues that divide us.

FYE resonates with me because it emphasizes the importance of students learning to express their own ideas, and how that translates back into teaching. I've talked to other peers about it in my ELA class, and there seems to have been more of an emphasis on grammar, classical literature, and research that there ever was on getting students to express their own ideas, interact with texts / communities of discourse, and create meaningful, multimodal expressions. In my own student career, I got marks off for plagiarism even when I wasn't trying. I ended up going the long way to reading and writing on my own time because my high school instruction could not fill the expectations of where I wanted my literacy development to go. Writing my own teaching philosophy paper, I have begun to realize that my "going around everything" approach to teaching writing is not as effective as a social justice approach. Many of the students cannot afford to "go around" their schooling and pretend grades don't matter. They don't have the money to hire expensive tutors, read chunky texts, and set major, perfectionistic goals for themselves like I have. Social Justice - connecting to student's from their own cultural and linguistic backgrounds, is important to not only writing but anything one teaches. My experience at Georgia State has made me a better writer - connecting me to what I am interested in, and giving me the space to follow my own intellectual inquiries.

There's not really an effective way to summarize this paper other than for me to say that teaching is hard, and there's a lot that needs to change but it's easier to say that than easier to implement.