Screaming at the Sun | Frerard

Chapter Fifteen

"Frank's not your boyfriend." Gee said, and Jamia frowned. "Yeah, well he might not be yours anymore, either."

Gee sighed, throwing back her head in defeat. "Fuck."

There was silence for a moment before Jamia asked, "How did you hide it so well? You really look like a girl. Without Lindsey telling me, I'd never have been able to tell that you're a guy – "

"I'm not actually a guy." Gee scowled. "And you weren't supposed to be able to tell. That's kind of the point. Being trans isn't a party trick, Jamia." And yeah, in Gee's opinion, she did pass. But that didn't stop the small Adam's apple in her throat, the sharp jawline, or the prominent veins in her arms from existing. Most cis people didn't know to look for them, but Gee didn't care. She knew they were there, and that was all that mattered.

There was her dick, too, but Gee really didn't like thinking about that one. It would be gone one day, and that was enough for Gee as far as she was concerned. The loose pants and long shirts could hide it for now (because tucking was too much work to do every day), but even thinking about surgery made Gee shiver. They'd probably give her shots, with needles, and it would be so, so worth it but also terrifying.

"But you're like," Jamia bit her lip, looking away. "You really don't look transgender."

"Yeah, well long live puberty blockers, am I right?" Gee shrugged. "And thank God for accepting parents who let me use them."

"I'm sorry," Jamia said, and Gee could tell Jamia didn't know why she was apologizing but she accepted it anyway. "Thank you."

Suddenly the door opened, and there was Ray. "Hey!" He waved. "Your whole cabin wasn't at breakfast, and I was starting to get worried. Wait, where's Lindsey?"

"Ray!" Jamia ran over and hugged him. Ray stumbled back a few steps, looking surprised. "Oh! Hi, Jamia." He laughed awkwardly. "What's going on?"

Gee sighed. "Okay, well, Lindsey locked us in here, but I guess it's unlocked from the outside. And since the whole camp is going to know soon; I'm trans." Gee braced herself for Ray's reaction, but he just raised his brows, smiling. "She–her pronouns, right?" Ray asked, and Gee nodded hesitantly. "Yeah."

"Got it." He smiled, and Jamia looked at him uncertainly. "You're okay with it?"

Ray shrugged. "I don't see why I shouldn't be. If Gee's a girl, she's a girl."

"But she's not a girl." Jamia protested, and Gee rolled her eyes, getting off her bed and loudly announcing that she was going to get dressed. Once she walked out of the bathroom (in a short shirt and long pants, which, despite its simplicity was possible the hardest outfit choice of her life due to the circumstances) Ray suggested they go to breakfast. Jamia walked ahead as they neared the building, and Ray fell back to be closer to Gee, who was possibly wearing a little more makeup and jewelry than normal. If looking like she just walked out of a Tumblr "grunge starter pack" post was what it took, then it was what Gee was going to do.

"Jamia will get it with time." Ray promised, and Gee sighed. "I doubt it." She said, before adding, "I don't really care if she does, though. I'll never see anyone here again after today."

"Wow," Ray breathed. "I can't believe camp's that close to ending."

"I can believe it." Gee scoffed, and Ray nudged her. "Hey, you're going to see Frank again, aren't you?" He paused. "You know, Frank seems kind homophobic sometimes. I guess he's not transphobic, though."

"He didn't know about me, but he does now. Lindsey's telling him." Gee shook her head. "Why are you being so nice to me, Ray?"

"What reason is there not to be?" Ray asked, grinning.

"You should just go hang out with everyone else." Gee said. "I'm sure they'll give you a few reasons."

"Gee," Ray said, sounding slightly exasperated before adding, "Okay, I have two dads, if you really want to know."

"Ah," Gee nodded as they walked into the cafeteria. "So, you're an ally, by law." Of course, Frank wasn't in here, but that didn't stop Gee from looking around for him.

"No, I could totally be mean if I wanted." Ray said, but Gee wasn't paying attention, because someone had just said it. Someone had said it right behind her and now she couldn't move because how the fuck had Lindsey told everyone so quickly and –

Gerard.

The word was clear now, and Gee could hear he and him pronouns being used as people talked about her. People were looking – everyone was looking.

"Alright, maybe this was a bad idea," Ray turned Gee around and they walked out of the cafeteria and back toward the woods. Her face was hot and Gee clenched and unclenched her fists, hiding her face as they passed people.

"Why do they all know?" Gee hissed as they walked, not caring as they passed her cabin. "Why do people care so fucking much?"

"You were dating Frank Iero." Ray pointed out. "Everyone knows who you are."

Gee realized she was going toward the pool, but Ray didn't question it as they kept walking into the woods. No one else was out here but them.

"It'll be okay, Gee." Ray said, and Gee glanced over at him. "Do you mind if I go alone?" She asked. "I just need some space."

"You're not going to do something you regret, are you?" Ray asked skeptically, but Gee shook her head. "No, Ray. I'll be fine."

"If you say so," Ray nodded, before turning and walking back.

I THINK I MESSED A LOT OF STUFF UP BUT WHILE DOING RESEARCH ON HOW HORMONE BLOCKERS WORK I CAME ACROSS A LOT OF MTF TRANSITION STORIES AND I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR TRANS PEOPLE. 

lol i bet there's a lot of people reading this and laughing at stuff i get wrong and honestly IM EMBRACING IT. 

and yay for sam smith 

i went to the skate park again and the people there were nice and helped me a lot so i dEDICATE this chAPter to thEM