Back to Square One

Chapter Forty-Eight: Annika

December 2027

"Mommy, why do you make pasta like that?" Bella asks, watching as I place clumps of cheese on the large flattened noodle. "Most mommy's was a box?"

"This is how your grandmother taught me. Your daddy's mom was from Italy, and she was an amazing cook."

"I'm sad I didn't get to meet her." I stop what I'm doing and go to the library to get the photo album of Monica to show Bella.

"Me too, sweetie." I place the book in front of her so she can flip through it while I finish making dinner. "Daddy's mom was one of my most favorite people. She would have loved you so much."

"Can you tell me about how she taught you how to cook?"

~~~~~

"Drop the egg in the well." I crack the egg and drop the insides into to flour volcano I made. "Perfect Bella, now mix it in with your fork. Slowly."

Once I have the dough make we pull it through the press. We fold it and put it through again in the opposite direction. We do that until there are no more clumps.

I lay out the long flat sheet of dough. "Now what?"

"Now you can do whatever you want. We could make ravioli, you just cut it up and fill it. Or we could put it through the pasta cutter."

"Can we do fettuccine and ravioli?" The lord only knows how much time she has left. "Just so I know how to do both."

"Let's make more dough then."

__________________

"When you make Alfredo don't use cold ingredients, let it sit out a little." She hands me a stick of butter. Then we add garlic, white pepper, mozzarella, and parmesan.

"This was all so much easier then I thought it would be," I say as I pour the sauce over my noodles.

"Now, you are ready to feed you, future babies."

"Yeah..." I try to fake a smile, but it's so hard. I'm not ready to say goodbye to her.

"No frowning, dear." She pulls me into a hug. She smells like her perfume. Like home. "I'll be there every step of the way. You just won't see me. But you'll feel my presence."

"I love you, mom."

"I love you too, my Bella girl."

~~~~~

"Something smells good."

"Mommy and I made pasta. Zoë watched." She was so proud of the cutwork she did. She flips through the rest of the photo album I gave her as I serve. "Daddy, why didn't grandpa marry again?"

"Grandpa is married. Grandma is just a little further ahead on the timeline of life. You remember when we told you, mommy, and I lost two babies?" She nods, pointing outside to the peonies outside. "Grandma is with them."

"If mommy died, would you marry someone else?" He grabs my hand.

"No." He sharply says, hardly letting her finish her sentence. "I will never love anyone like I love your mommy. You guys and your mommy is everything to me, everything."

"What if you're lonely?"

"I won't be. I have you and Kal and Ezra and Zoë to keep my company." He lets go of my hand as he heads over to the French doors. "Boys! Dinner!"

"Okay, kids, how was school?" I say once we are around the table.

"We blow up balloons with water bottles, vinegar, and baking soda."

"It was so cool!"

"I painted a tree."

As the kids chat, I turn to Silas and ask, "How was work, babe?"

"It was work." He rubs the back of his neck and sighs, "I think I want to quit the hospital." We have a lot in savings. My books made so much money. He doesn't have to work, well, he has to do something, but it doesn't need to be what he is doing. Our savings are very high. The kids have trust funds—college money. And I'm writing books again, this time a new young adult series. If he needs time to figure it out we can afford for him to take it.

"Yeah? What would you do?"

"I don't know. I want to be home more. I'm getting more responsibility, which means more hours, and I feel like I'm never home." I want that too. His hours are ridiculous. "I want to help out with the kid's school stuff, sports, you know... I just don't like my job anymore."

"Have you looked into coaching the baseball team? Jamie told me the high school was needing a new head coach."

"Really?! I'll shoot him a text. Maybe down the road, I could teach too." He thumbs type away. "You would be okay if I quit?"

"Of course. I don't want you doing something that doesn't make you happy."

"I miss you and the kids all day. I hate it." He picks up Zoë and holds her to his chest. Her arms go up around his neck, and she gives him a saucy kiss on his cheek. "God, I love our kids."

"Put in your two weeks tomorrow."

"Your sure?" I nod.

"Do whatever will make you happy. Just take me with you along the way." I'm lucky he is secure with himself, that he has never been weird about me making more money than him. And I make a lot more. I've seen that break couples before. "ABC reached out to me again about making a kid show for, 'Witchcraft.' We had planned on selling the rights when the kids were going to college, but maybe we should do it now that they are offering." He shrugs something to think about. "Especially since I'm writing that young adult series, we can afford for you to take a break to figure out what you want." I squeeze his thigh under the table. "I'll be your sugar momma."

He laughs. "Give me some sugar momma." I give him a quick kiss. The kids scream "eww" and "gross" but say it with smiles and giggles. They love that their parents are crazy about each other.

This will just be the next chapter in our crazy adventure. I think back to our beginning. I would have never guessed this to be my life. Silas was everything I was looking for and never thought I could have. So are our beautiful children. I love our family so much.

After dinner, I go to our collage wall of pictures. It's getting pretty full, only a few spots open.

I am so grateful to our elementary school for putting us in the same class. Our moms for becoming friends. For Jamie being Silas's friend long before I was. For that party, freshman year. I'm thankful for the woman who gave birth to two of my beautiful babies. I have so much to be grateful for.

Never go in search of love.

I didn't search out Silas. It just happened, and thank God it did.

Go in search of life.

You only have one, so live it!

And life will find the love you seek.