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Chapter Thirty-Three: Silas

Her virginal mind thinks I'm a giant pervert. I can't believe this is happening. She has no idea just how dirty she is. She is the one who ordered these things online and surprised me with it. Toys, books and all. All her. "Can we please talk about this in person?"

"Talk. Now, Si!" Fuck. Back to Si... I have to fix this. How the hell do I fix this? Why is she so mad about this? I don't get it.

"On our honeymoon, we tried anal for the first time." She nods, remembering that I told her this already. "After, you half-jokingly said, 'I wish you had two cocks to fuck me in both holes at the same time.' Well, that lead to that."

"You put this on... and—"

"Yes." Sex obviously wasn't what would bring her back to me; it would have worked by now. I never expected this, though, that it would drive her away from me. It's not like I was hiding it, under the bed is just where we keep it. With everything going on, I forgot it was even there.

"You were going to say something before I cut you off. We both... we both what?"

"We both use it on each other."

"I—"

"You put it on and fuck me while giving me a handjob." I would have never guessed that I would be explaining pegging to my wife, over FaceTime, during a fight. "We don't use it often, but it does happen every now and then." She goes pale. I hate this. How did I not think to get rid of the box? I had completely forgotten it was there. How did I forget about this? "Remember when you said if I cheated on you, it better be with a man?" She nods. "You were implying that a man could offer me things that you can't. As you can see, that's not true."

"I don't believe you. Do you think you could live out your fucked up fantasies with your post-coma, amnesia minded wife?!" I'm going to lose her. I'm actually losing her. She is slipping through my fingers. Why does this freak her out so much? The double penetration was her idea!

"Of course not! You don't remember, but Nik, we are a perfect match. You have to believe that."

"This is all too much. I'm not into this kinky shit." I bolt out of my office and run to my car. I don't give a shit about the meeting I'm about to miss. I need her to come back to me. I have to find a way to find a way to calm her down and realize that she is overreacting. I would never make her do anything she didn't want to do. But that's what she thinks, that I'm taking advantage of her amnesia to get what I want.

"I'm coming home. Please don't leave. I'll be there in 20. Please, please stay."

"Why? So you can fuck me in both holes?!"

"Annika!" Goddamn! I don't even know how to make this better. "You know me. Do you really believe that? I mean, what the hell?!"

"Kinky, weird-ass sex, that's the hell!"

"Just breathe, okay. I—" she hangs up on me. "FUCK!" I drive ten miles above the speed limit. As I'm driving, I hit traffic. I scream as I hit the steering wheel. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!"

How do I fix this and tell her about the miscarriages?

It was bad enough when I had one secret to mend. I'm in such a deep hole. I try calling her five times and nothing.

"Hello?"

"Sofia, have you heard from Nik?" Please say yes.

"No, why? Did you tell her?" I don't know how much sisters talk about this kind of stuff. I've never spoken to anyone about it, but my best friend is her brother.

"Um... no... how much do you know about our sex life?"

"Not much... why? What's going on? Is she pregnant again?"

"No, no. She... well, she found some of our sex toys and is freaking out."

"How weird are your sex toys?!"

"I really don't want to talk about it with you if she hasn't, sorry."

"Okay, I'll call her. Maybe she will answer for me. You still haven't told her about the miscarriages?"

"No... I was going to tonight. I started to last night but chickened out. She knows we have something to talk about, but she thinks it's about our sex life now after finding what she found."

"I'm sorry that I put a lot of pressure on you about that. I'll try to calm her down so that it will go better when you tell her later. How bad is the stuff she found?"

"It's not even bad. She never had a breakdown or freak out when she woke up. I guess it all bubbling to the surface now. And in her mind, she lost her virginity like a week ago, so her new to sex mind thinks I'm this giant pervert when in reality, all that stuff was her idea. Don't get me wrong; I love it. But I would never make her do anything she wasn't comfortable with."

"I know you wouldn't; you're a good man. I'll call you right back."

I fly down the roads. I check the clock as the minutes tick on by. Sof calls me back. "Anything?"

"No, she didn't answer. Do you want me to head over?"

"No." Her car is still in the driveway, thank God she is still here. "I just pulled up. She's here."

"Okay, let me know how it goes."