Chapter 61 - Rushing To My Head

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HARRY'S POV:
I don't really understand the point in this, but I didn't mind trying it out. As soon as they left, I walked over to the small desk on the side of the room, next to the bed, and sat down, picking up a pen as I did so. I was in a shit mood already, and after having eaten two meals today, just made it a whole lot worse, so words came rushing to my head.

I think I've always tried my hardest to not act how I feel, If that makes any sense? But lately, it's just not been working. I keep on lashing out, and just loosing control. I'm tired, of so many things. I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy. Everything hurts, and I try to keep it to myself so it doesn't hurt anyone else. Recently, it's been the opposite. I'm ruining my friends lives, they're loosing sleep, and stressing out too much. It's my fault that this has all happened. There are times like right now, where I just can't stop hearing my mistakes, over and over. Sometimes, I wish I could disappear, that way, everything could just stop. The horrible thoughts, the constant pain, and all the guilt I've built up. I'd do anything for it all to just go away. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel. I feel alone. I can't let people in, they'll only get hurt. I'm scared, not only of people and places, but also myself. What if one day I loose all control? The guilt is horrible, it's all my fault that I'm like this, I just can't seem to change myself.

I was distracted from writing as I heard the door open and looked to see Ethan standing there. He smiled to me as walked up to the bed and sat down. "Nearly finished" I said quietly, before putting the pen back onto the paper.

Sometimes I think about killing myself, because I have no reason to live, but then I think about it and, I have no reason to die either.

Deciding I was done, I turned around to face the man on my bed, and as he looked up to me, his face dropped. "Come here" he said knowingly, as he held his arms out. I instantly walked over to him and got in his arms, as he embraced me in a hug.

not to sure on this chapter, i know it's short but yeah ahah what do you think? :)

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