Before You Go

chapter seven

Eliza

I am a creature of habit.

Every morning, at exactly six A.M., I go for a run. It doesn't matter where I am or what the terrain is like or what the weather is like. Rain or shine, mud or rocks, city or forest, I will still go for a run before I'm due at the shop for work. Even on days like today, when I have a pounding headache and feel as if I've been punched in the stomach several times, I will still run.

Lacing up my runners, I tell James that I'll be back in an hour or so. He's still half asleep, so he only mumbles against the pillow in response. I smile, taking in the view of him against the white sheets. His arms are folded beneath the pillow and his head is turned to the side. His brown hair is an unruly disaster and there are angry-looking scratch marks across his left shoulder blade.

Slightly embarrassed by the sight and memory of what we did last night, I quickly exit the bedroom and head downstairs. No one is awake yet, which is a good thing. I need a morning alone to sort out some thoughts that have been running through my mind for the past twenty-four hours. I still can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that Leon is here.

Outside, I'm welcomed by the warm sun and clear blue sky, the smell of the alpines as fresh and crisp as ever. I once dreamt of moving away from Whistler and exploring the rest of Canada, maybe even moving to a different country. But Whistler is the most beautiful place in Canada – I could never leave. I'd miss the trails and mountains too much. I'd miss Tenille and my job.

On the southern side of the property, I head for the trail that leads down to the trail system of Lost Lake, my headphones in and the music blaring. Once I enter the forest, my body begins to relax. The forest has always played a big part in calming me down when I'm feeling anxious or stressed. There's just something about the smell and the way the trees stand tall, unwavering and strong even against the most violent of winds.

After Leon moved away, I often explored the forests of Whistler. There is a labyrinth of trails around Lost Lake and Whistler Mountain, as well as all the provincial parks along the Sea-to-Sky Highway. The terrain and vegetation would change in each area, but the feeling the forest gave me always stayed the same. When I was exploring the wilderness, I could be one with myself, I could breathe again. It was hard to lose my best friend and my lover after knowing him for so long. Leon had always been such a big part of my life – even when we were talking over FaceTime and text messages. But after he didn't return my calls, after he lied, I became a jam sandwich without the peanut butter. The apple pie without vanilla ice cream. Whenever I had a joke or a secret to share or a memory I wanted to reminisce about, he was gone. Leon left a hole in my heart – one that still exists to this day. As much as I hate him, I'm relieved to see him again. During the two years he went MIA, I could only assume the worst with him. Even when I called Nathan, Leon's dad, he was no help. He told me Leon was having a rough time and needed some time to figure things out. I had wanted, so badly, to reach out and help him, but he would ignore my messages and calls.