Before You Go

chapter forty-one

Leon

The rehearsal dinner is tomorrow and James is denying Liz's statement about her wanting to call off the wedding. Or maybe he's accepted it but can't admit it aloud. Whatever the fucking reason, I need to leave before I blow a fuse and do something I'll regret. If I hear James shut down Liz one more time tonight, I'm going to beat him to a pulp. He's allowed to talk shit about me. He's allowed to call me a waste of space and useless. But he is not allowed to spew derogatory shit at Eliza Sangster. I will not tolerate his misogynistic behaviour.

I stuff the final articles of clothing in my suitcase. Until Liz can make James see reason, I'm going to spend a couple of nights in Squamish. After that, if things haven't cooled down here, I'm going to head back to Newfoundland to see my dad. It's been a while and I miss him.

Despite receiving the results I wanted, I think there are still issues that need to be resolved. Liz and I have mended the gap between us, but what happens now? For starters, if we want to be together, one of us is going to have to give up our life. I'm not sure I want to move away from Saanich considering where my career in golf is heading. And I don't know if Liz wants to move away from Whistler. I was so blinded by love I never weighed in on the consequences or the sacrifices.

I sit down on the foot of the bed and sigh, rubbing my temples. I don't want to give up on Liz, but when did love become so complicated? Going back to when love was a simpler concept would make this a helluva lot easier. When we were teenagers, it was Liz and I against the world. There were no other hearts to break or issues to worry about.

From my pocket, I remove my bucket list. It's something I've been working on since I was a kid, which explains whyMarry Eliza is number twenty-one on the list. Above that, the list is a compilation of simple things such as going to Squamish to hike the waterfalls or ordering my favourite burger at the diner. I trace my fingers over the list, reminding myself about all the things I've done so far, trailing down, down, down until I reach number twenty-one. Seeing Liz's name makes me retract my thoughts from earlier. I shouldn't care about uprooting myself from Saanich. I'd rather drive to the Island every day for golf if it means I get to wake up next to Liz every morning.

I carefully fold up my list and tuck it back into my favourite book, Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood. One day, when I have the guts, I'll tell Liz about my bucket list and ask her if she wants to complete everything on it. When that day will be, I'm not sure.

I'm about to pull out my phone and give my dad a call to see if he's free next week when there's a knock on the door. I frown, wondering who it could be. It's almost midnight—I thought, after tonight's disastrous dinner, everyone would be asleep by now.

Aimlessly, I wander to the front door and open it.

To my surprise, Liz is standing on the other side, staring up at me with her innocent green eyes. Memories of earlier, when I was about to knock on the door and apologize to Liz for how I reacted at the dinner table, assault me and nearly bring me to my knees. I'm ashamed of doubting Liz and her ability to tell James the truth.