Don't Forget About Me (Lovely Sequel)

Chapter Thirty Four - Alena's P.O.V

I thought about it all again. Perhaps tonight could be as close to normal as we allow it to be. Derrick could come back up with some late night snacks for us, and we could feast and cuddle in bed with... whatever this is on the TV in the background. Right now, normal sounded nice.

I heard my text tone and reached for my phone, a text from Jess. "Hey, what's going on? Updates please"

I started to type out a response, the sound of my keyboard clicking overtaking the sound of the TV in my head. "Made it home safe, Derrick is making dinner now. I'm just hanging in bed with this cutie for now," after pressing send, I quickly sent a picture of Bentley looking up at me with his mouth wide open, too. It didn't take long for her to respond, "glad you're okay💓 How did Derrick take everything?"

"You say that like I told him everything that happened" obviously, I felt like trash right now. For all of the lying and secrets, I knew that all of this was wrong. "Another time. Right now, I think I just want normal"

"That's okay," she responded quickly. So quickly that I wasn't even bothering to close out of messages or lock my phone. "You deserve some normal... if normal is what makes you happy."

As if I knew what would make me happy. In that moment, I think the only thing that would've made me happy was exactly what I had; Derrick walking up the stairs with food in hand, coming to join Bentley and I. I just wanted to feel okay, even if just for one last night. So, that's what I was going to do. Or at least try to. I was going to enjoy what I was lucky enough to have, even though I didn't deserve any of it, and allow myself to feel okay, just for the night.

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All day was spent saying those words to myself over and over again. Hours upon hours trying to practice what I would say, in hopes that when the buzzer sounded and time was up, the words would come out with sincerity and truth. That I would somehow manage to do this without crying and hating myself more than I already do.

Had all of that rehearsing been worth it? The moment of truth had arrived as Derrick had walked through the door. He quickly found me sitting in the living room on my own, and as his eyes met mine, I watched his face drop to the floor.

"Can you come sit with me? I want to talk." I said, just loud enough that he could hear me. He complied, dropping his bag at the doorway and taking a seat next to me on the couch.

"What's going on?" He reached his hands out and rested them on my knees. I rested mine over them and gave a light squeeze. Reciting these words for the rest of my life could not have prepared me for this.

"Derrick, I don't know how to say any of this. I've been trying my best to find the right words, but I don't think there are any words to make this easier.

"I love you so much, I think a part of me always will. But I just don't think this is what I want anymore. I really thought that it was, I wouldn't have said yes. Yes to being with you, yes to living with you, yes to marrying you, yes to buying this house together... yes to forever with you.

"I really wanted that, but I don't deserve that. I don't deserve you. Derrick you are so amazing, so beyond amazing. You have to know that this truly has nothing to do with you."

"It's not you, it's me" he choked out. A tear started rolling down his cheek.

"Derrick I'm really not just saying that," then I started crying, too. "You have given me the world, and I simply don't deserve that from you. I know that there's someone out there who does, but it's not me."

For a while, neither of us said anything. He just sat there with his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. I sat there looking at him, and feeling somehow significantly worse about it all.

"Alena," he finally spoke, "when I promised you that I wanted you to always be happy, I truly meant that. If it won't be because of me, then so be it. I will always want you to be happy." He looked over at me, and gave me a soft smile before reaching his arm out and pulling me into him. We held each other so tightly, it was like the tears were being squeezed out of me.

"I'm so sorry Derrick, I hate that I'm doing this to you I really do-"

"You just have to do this for yourself. I understand, Alena, it's okay." We were so close, I just wanted to kiss him again, one last time.

So I did. He kissed me back and pulled me close, as if we were both holding onto what once was. His lips felt so soft against mine, but so different from before. Things had changed, and I could feel it. I think he could too, cause he pulled away shortly after.

"You will always have a home here with me, okay? If you ever change your mind, you can always come home."

"Please, don't say that Derrick. I want you to move on, I want you to find someone that deserves all that you have to offer them, someone who gives that to you in return. She's out there, she just isn't me."

We were quiet again for a few minutes, both of us just wiping away our tears and thinking to ourselves.

"So, what are we doing from here?" And with that we decided: I'd pack my stuff and go stay with my parents, we'd sell the house, and call off the wedding. Maybe it was for the best that we hadn't gotten far enough in the planning to send out invitations.

Everything seemed as though it was being ironed out, until Bentley moseyed in and stared up at the both of us. "Oh no, what are we gonna do with you boy?" I spoke in my annoying dog voice (the baby voice was a bit higher). I looked over at Derrick as I tousled Bentley's short hair, "You should have him."

"No, Alena you were the one that wanted us to get a dog, he should be yours. Besides it's going to be hard enough to find an apartment, let alone one that's pet friendly for him."

"I thought you were working with a group that was developing some apartment complexes not that long ago, why don't you reach out to them and see if they have any availability?" Immediately, I had regretted suggesting this. "I'm sorry," perhaps it wasn't my place to suggest what he does from here. "But really, please take him. I'm already not working, I can't put his expenses on my parents while I'm without a job." Bentley wiggled out of my hands and over to Derrick, looking up at him and making his usual silly faces. "Not to mention that he has always loved you." I smiled.

"He loves you too, you know," He looked over at me and gave me a classic side smirk of his, this one pained, though. "We both do." 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I knew this was all coming but it still hurts my heart to write. Vote/comment/share & stay alive |-/