If This is What it Takes ~ A Blog Book

How it Feels

     I was inspired to partake in this challenge by the beautiful and sweet crayola32. If you're not already following her, then you're truly missing out! 

     So, the challenge is to basically describe the struggles you face that others may not be aware of. 

     Before I begin, I would like to invite PorcelainStar, RGFaberson, TheGazillionthWriter, and anyone else who's interested to participate in this challenge, as well.

                                Blindness / Congenital Glaucoma                       So, Glaucoma is the name of the eye disease I have, and congenital basically just means that I was born with it. It affects the pressure in my eye, which has always been rather difficult to control. For instance, a healthy eye pressure is considered to vary between a 12 and 22, whereas the pressure in my eyes have plummeted as low as 2 and soared as high as 45. The pressure in your eyes are extremely vital; therefore, if it's ever too low or too high, you're at risk for retinal detachment. My pressure's typically controlled by eye drops; however, if my pressure's ever too high, surgery's needed. 

I was born completely blind in my right eye, meaning I don't even see any light or shadows; and, I'm able to make out some light, color, shadows, and movement in my left. But, I can't read print or identify pictures. After nearly forty surgeries—starting when I was three days old—appointments with a specialist every three months, and ultrasounds on my eye every six months, I've grown quite accustom to the idea of my eyes being tampered with, Lol. Oh, and something I almost forgot to mention is that I also have something called Nystagmus, which is a condition that's characterized by repetitive and uncontrolled shaking of the eyes. 

I could literally go on for days, haha, but I believe that'd bore us both. Just in the time that it has taken me to write this, I'm beginning to feel my mood drop. I learned rather early on that downplaying the extent of my struggles was best for everyone, including myself. I learnt that I had to be strong for my mom, so she wouldn't worry. Do I have those days where I hate the way I am? Of course I do. But, they're limited to approximately only 3 days a year. If I spent all my time pitying myself for the fact that I have a disability, I'd never get the chance to live a normal life. Besides, I feel that it's my purpose in life to prove to others that they're far stronger than they may realize, in addition to educate and spread awareness.

I honestly can't describe what it's like to be blind. It's difficult; it's unfair; and, it's isolating, but it's also an amazing gift. While there're days I'd love to be able to see, I could never trade my blindness in for anything. It has given me far more than it has ever taken from me. Plus, I don't think I could ever handle being an average, sighted individual. :) sounds extremely boring if you ask me.

The fact of the matter is: we're living in an extremely visual world. One of which that isn't entirely accessible to those who have a physical disability. With that said, I typically have another way of getting things done and navigating the world. The truth is that blindness affects merely every aspect of your life, which can be quite exhausting at times. 

                                         Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV)                                                     The day that I was diagnosed with EBV was probably one of the most relieving. For six years I'd been getting a persistent fever every Thursday, in addition to continuously feeling tired to the point that I was physically sick. I was at my wits' end, and had convinced myself that I was just crazy. Symptoms of EBV include; a sore throat, muscle aches, fever, extreme fatigue, weakness, and loss of appetite. EBV is basically Mono that never subsides. The best way I can think to describe it is: how you feel the third day into a really bad cold. You're beginning to feel better than you initially had—enough so that you're able to convince yourself to get out of bed for short increments of time—yet, you're unable to shake that exhausted/sick feeling. All you want to do is sleep; yet, no amount of it will suffice.