Tododeku angst

Chapter 25

I woke with a start. I looked blearily around the room I was in, a pounding headache obstructing my vision. I noticed that I was sprawled on the couch, and there were empty beer cans all around me. Shoto was lying across the coffee table, and Ochako was in the corner. 

Did we get drunk or something? I can't remember a thing...

I pushed my hand against my head. 

The last thing I remember.... was.... Ochako saying sorry? For what? 

Oh right. I caught her from cursing. 

She was cursing cause.... Shoto was gay???

My eyebrows furrowed. My memory was so muddled that it was hard to tell if it was real or not. 

I sat up slowly, leaning heavily on the couch. My eyes widened as I felt a surge of unannounced panic. 

Ochako was here because she thought I was going to kill myself. 

I was gonna kill myself today.  

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep tears away. 

While the thoughts of jumping off a bridge had been put off due to Ochako, they hadn't disappeared. This was my chance to escape. I could run out of the house, and drive away and....

I looked down at Shoto on the coffee table. Tears welled in my eyes. 

He would miss me. He would be sad if I died. He had dealt with heartbreak all his life, and I wanted to worsen it. 

I'm selfish. I want to die, but I would leave behind people who would miss me. 

I'm a burden. The would feel better if I died. 

I pushed my hands against my ears, shaking slightly. Thoughts crowded my mind. 

There are people worse off than you. 

You should enjoy what you have, so many people have less. 

You should die. Everyone wants you to. 

I pushed myself off from the couch, tears dribbling down my face. I looked around the room wildly. 

I needed out. I couldn't stay in here. With them. 

I ran at the door, fumbling with shoes and my keys. I didn't care that I was in an All Might onesie. I didn't care that I reeked of alcohol. I didn't care about my appearance, who I was leaving behind, or even who's shoes I took. I just needed out. 

I unlocked the door swiftly,  finding my phone inside. How did it end up here? Didn't I push it down a couch or something? 

I pushed the thought out of my mind as I hopped into the vehicle. 

I would drive just out f the city. Write notes on my phone for Shoto and my mom. Then I would go to the tallest bridge in the city. And I would jump off. I would finally be free. 

It was about a twenty minute drive to the edge of town. I pulled over, having mulled over what I would write on the way there. I pulled the phone out, and opened up messaging. 

Izuku:

Dear Shoto, 

I love you with all of my heart. This is why I'm sad to say that I'm going to die. By the time your awake and reading this, I will most likely be dead. 

It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I'm the one who couldn't handle this. 

I'm a bad person, I'm annoying, and ever since I was little, hated. I don't want to be in this world any longer.