bittersweet recollections of your adolescence // 2019 poetry collection

the unloved child

no one ever warns you of what it's like to have anxiety—

and be a good liar

your mind is constantly torn between what has been learned—

and what was hardwired

like do you smile and say you're fine just to be polite?

or do you do it because you don't want to come off as "too uptight"

you can't even tell your friends if you're in trouble

be it emotionally, mentally, any kind of unstable

because maybe you're a burden, and you're lucky just to have them.

listen,

i can lie with the best of them.

if all the world's a stage then i'm the best paid actress

the broadway star, the paragon of excess

whatever you want to call it

i will be that.

anything to be liked to be wanted to be loved—

is this what i learned or is this what was hardwired?

love isn't something you get for being yourself,

no, love is something you get for being somebody else

somebody

better.

no one ever warns you of what it's like to have anxiety and be a good liar.

i don't even know the face staring back at me in the mirror.

i just know my stomach is always in knots.

and my head always hurts.

and i just want to feel enough love to make my heart burst.