My Favorite Song

Chapter 8: ....Or Something More?

I spent all Sunday just relaxing for once. I had finally finished all the homework I'd been forced to procrastinate on, thanks to Castiel, so there was nothing left to do for that day, thank God. I just did whatever I felt like doing; drawing, writing, dancing, singing, watching TV, etc. And you know what? Since I had relaxed for the whole day, I felt MUCH better by the time I went to bed. And THEN, I thought about having to go to school the next day...man, did THAT ruin it! (DX)

I woke up Monday morning feeling relaxed, yet upset for having to go to school. Nevertheless, I got up and dressed, grabbed some breakfast, picked up my bag and made my way out the door. After a few minutes, I had finally reached my school courtyard. As I walked by the tree on my way into the school building, Castiel, who was still standing by it, noticed me. He grinned at me and said, "Hey, Slim. Didja miss me?" I couldn't help but chuckle at that, but then I turned to him and replied "No, shut up!" He started laughing as well and I just rolled my eyes and continued on my way to school.

I saw Nathaniel pass by me on the way to my locker. I smiled and waved at him. "Hi, Nathaniel!" He just glanced at me with that same look he had the other day, when Castiel dragged me away, and looked away again without saying a word. He looked hurt. *I should go apologize to him later...* I thought to myself as I continued on towards my locker. Once I had gotten there, I quickly gathered my books and headed off to class.

While my other classes were the same as usual, something in English class was different. Today, we were supposed to write something. Anything; a song, poem, story, etc. It could be about anything we wanted it to be. Apparently, the teacher wanted to show off his class, so once we were done writing, it would be graded and posted on the bulletin board right outside the classroom door. I was fairly confident in my writing skills, but even so, I didn't want anything I wrote to be posted out where the whole school could see it. Anyway, this is what I wrote:

*Even though I'm found in the midst of flowing time, I'm spinning round and round, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. And I can't even see my own heart that's leaving me. Why can't you even see what happened to me?

I cannot even sleep. I can't get myself to leave. I keep slipping through these cracks of everything that meant to me. I don't know anything about what happened to me. They tell me to be me, and that's who I should be.

Am I in a dream? Am I in reality? Are my words useless to you even if I choose to speak? I am tired of feeling all this broken misery. Maybe I should just go on without feeling anything.

Even if you give me words, I would never look for them. My heart will never ever pay you any attention. If you don't stay where you are, everything will change on me. Everything will go all dark. I'll be trapped eternally.

Will there be another day for a person just like me. Could I live here anyway? Could I live here happily? Can I live through all the pain? Could I live with misery? I will never be the same. I don't who I should be.

I can barely even walk. There is no way I could run. I don't understand at all. I can't talk to anyone. If I could change, I would try. Someone else I'd rather be. Everything would turn to light. I would finally be free.*

I wrote this because that was the way I felt. I felt this way ever since my parents' death, and regardless of my friends' efforts to cheer me up, there was no way I could forget something so cruel. With a sigh, I stood up and turned in my assignment to the teacher. He looked over it for a moment, and then mumbled "Hmm.....interesting...." I stood there at his desk until he finally finished reading and gave me a smile, saying "Great job, Julia. You may go now." I returned a smile of my own, and then collected the books from my desk and left the classroom. *Oh, God. What did he REALLY think? And to think, this is gonna be posted on the bulletin board. Ugh....*