All I Ever Knew Was Your Name [Nick Robinson]

THIRTY FIVE

sex on fire by kings of leon

The next morning, we're all dragging our feet a little bit. We stayed at the bar a little too late and got a little too drunk. It was much needed after a week of stress and pent up emotions from all of us.

While we're all in the car on the way to Napoa Lake, it's very quiet. Not so much because of any awkwardness in the air, but because we're a little too hungover to be ourselves.

Owen drives with Nick in the passenger seat while Penny sits with me in the back. Her head is in my lap as she snores softly; my head is up against the glass trying to make myself get some sleep as I hear the gentle voices of Owen and Nick from in front of me.

Every now and again, I feel Nick's gaze. It's as if he's checking up on me to make sure I'm still here and that I'm still okay, as if I'm the one who's known to disappear.

I close my eyes.

Penny was right. That first time in a long time meetup was awkward at first, but I'm feeling a little better about it. Sure, it's still awkward. Sure, I still don't really know how to talk to Nick or what to say.

But I'm feeling better.

Hell, I'm in a car with him on the way to the lake house we spent our final days at. I'm clearly feeling more confident on the matter.

Not much, but it's something.

"Are you okay?" I hear Owen ask from the drivers seat.

I can immediately tell that he's not talking to me, but to Nick. I keep my eyes closed and pretend I don't hear.

Nick is quiet for a moment. I wonder if he's looking at me before he answers. After all, I feel like it's something he would do. Then again, I also felt like he would have told me that he was leaving to go to Maine for two years. But I guess I was wrong.

Maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought.

"Sure," he responds quietly.

Owen chuckles. "That's believable."

Again, Nick is quiet before responding. "I'm not really sure what to feel. This is all just so—" he sighs. "—fucked up. I fucked up."

"It's still fresh, Nick. Things will settle eventually. It's just new to everyone, that's all."

"I just can't believe I could do something like this," he nearly whispers. "I put you and your dad through so much. And Mary? God, I—"

My stomach sinks.

"I hurt her. It's absolutely killing me that I could do something like this. I was so, so in love with her. How could I—" he sighs. "I don't know how I left her. I really don't."

Owen doesn't say anything right away. I wonder if they hear my heart racing in my chest in response to their conversation. Or my teeth clenching in my mouth. Or if they feel my body trembling with nerves.

They must not, because Owen finally replies and says: "Just give her time, okay? She just needs time."

"I don't know how I can make her forgive me. This is killing me, you have no idea," his voice is soft and gentle.

I need time, Nick.

It's 11:19 when we finally pull into the familiar driveway. When I look up at the house, really nothing has changed from what I remember. In fact, it's exactly what I remember.

The dark green one story house is shaded by many trees that blow back and forth from the lake breeze. The cute little patio out front has the same three wooden rocking chairs facing the road with a rectangular coffee table in the center. There's two lanterns hanging on either side of the front door, and two flower pots with yellow and purple flowers to frame it as well.