Collateral

9. Belle

Humans are one confusing species. Not only is it confusing to understand them but they themselves are so confused about themselves. They can never directly do what they want to. Its funny that they practically have it easiest to communicate but they never do that. They will never clearly tell you the reason behind their actions. Well, in most of the cases they wont even realise that those actions exist.

And I know very well that I too belong to the same species but currently I am referring to three humans. First it was only Emma who clearly can't look me since Jake came back. I mean, what? Did I leave her? Did I break her heart? No, but still its me whom she is ignoring while she shares ice creams with the one who actually did.

And don't get me started on the person in question. How has he been acting so normal with everybody? More importantly, why has he not talked properly to Emma till now? I get why Emma will want to avoid that particular conversation but shouldn't Jake be on his knees pleading with apologies?

When he had left, I was just waiting for him to come back because whatever it was, I was sure that my friends will get past it. They were Jake and Emma after all. When Jake had left, things had changed, only till that became normal. But that normal was not perfect, it felt empty and every now and then we would be reminded that it was not normal. So, now that Jake was back, I don't understand what is stopping him from making it so. I don't understand what is missing now.

Earlier when he sat next to me, I knew that was his way of apologising without approaching the topic and like everyone else I too hadn't asked a single thing and just silently accepted it. I then understood why all my friends hadn't questioned anything, they, just like me, want Jake to tell us when he feels right and they, just like me, want to feel normal again.

Honestly Jake joking was like a deep breath of early morning air and I didn't want to let go of it. However, I couldn't help but let some questions slip. I couldn't help but want more of normal, and normal had been with Jake and Emma both for a very long time for it to change.

Jake's answers had showed that he still cared, but like I was saying earlier, he is so confusing! I mean hunting for meaning in his answers was not something I was looking forward to. Yet, I was okay with it till he popped up with that rhyme. And those who know Jake as well I do know that these instinctive words only come out from his mouth when he doesn't want people to know what is going on in his head.

What I did get of our little conversation before he went back to stare into his diary was that somehow, he thinks there is more damage he can cause. I could see that his feelings hadn't changed. Whether they were for his friends or Emma, he still cared for each and everyone of us like he did before.

Now call me selfish but more than anything else, right now I only care about him and Emma. I may be a little obsessed but anyone would if they were in my situation. Is it so wrong for me to wish that Jake clears the mess he made?

What comes next? I mean I need to do something right? I can't just wait for it to play on its own.

As I am thinking that I look up at the third infuriating human I was talking about. Mr. Cook was yapping about yet another way of proving that the double differentiation of y plus whatever nonsense will give us the 'right hand side'.

Not like one method is easy enough that he has to go ahead and teach another one. 'Confused!' I tell you. I am glad at least I know what double differentiation is. Math would think it made me look like a confused being but jokes on Math because I just have to square my first answer and that I can do, provided I get the answer.

As I try to at least get one method right I feel Ethan poke me in the ribs, "Pstt."

"What?" I snap at him because everyone knows not to distract me when I do Math, I lose track of thoughts quite easily.