bitter | e.d

| twenty-three

**trigger warning: this chapter contains pretty heavy abuse content, read at own risk**

I can't remember the last time I screamed.

that's the thought circulating around in my mind as andrew approaches me one step at a time, closer and closer. as every inch of me trembles in fear, I can't help but wonder when's the last time I've screamed. 

probably never, I think to myself. the action is so foreign to me, I doubt if I'm even capable of doing it right now. right now when I need to most.

as he gets closer, I unconsciously take a shaky step backwards. I will myself not to do that again, knowing that'll only piss andrew off more. 

once he's right in front of me, he doesn't hesitate to grab my face with his hand. he forcefully jerks my head in his direction, and we're so close I can smell the cigarette on his breath. I make myself meet his eye contact in an attempt to degrade whatever power he thinks he has. but it's pointless; the fear is written all over me.

"you know, it's always something with you," he says with a breathy voice. "you steal from me. you disobey my rules. you talk back to me. you lie to me. you think I don't notice all of it?" he asks, tightening the grip of his hand on my face.

I stay silent. 

"sweetheart, I let a whole lot of shit slide. I'm nice to you. I'm understanding. but for you to treat me the way you do? so disrespectfully?" he shakes his head disappointedly. "I think it's time you get punished, hm? so you can learn your fucking lesson?"

his thumb rubs gently back and forth on the skin of my cheek while he waits for an answer. while he waits for me to agree with his sick words.

like hell I was going to do that. "you're not gonna do shit," I mutter instead. "you don't have the right to punish me. especially not when I didn't do anything fucking wrong. don't you know child abuse is illegal, andrew?"

"you think what I'm doing is abuse?" he chuckles condescendingly, slowly pushing me backwards towards the wall. "evie, I love you. I don't want to hurt you—you're my daughter. but I can't have you running around treating me like crap and disrespecting me. you have to learn." he keeps pushing me until my back hits the wall now, and then he smiles. "besides, it's your word against mine."

within the next second, everything goes silent.

all that's left is a ringing sound consuming my mind. I feel my body fall to the ground, almost lifelessly, and then my hands instinctively start gripping my head. I feel my knee throbbing, starting to swell from the fall, but I'm too occupied to worry about that. the pulsing in my head hurts more.

my body is in complete shock. he finally fucking hurt me. 

everything is dark—my eyes are still closed. it's not until a few more moments pass that I begin to register the exact point of the blaring pain. it's in the back of my head, pain pulsating with a heartbeat of it's own.

as I open my eyes, I remember what I last saw before falling—andrew grabbing onto my chin before banging my head back against the wall. so hard, my hearing faltered for a few seconds.

I hear andrew laughing and see him crouched down to my level in front of me. he watches as I grip my hair and try to dull the ache and agonizing pressure on my head. everything turns black again as that incessant ringing returns, and I don't bother trying to open my eyes again. I think it'll hurt too much.

"look at you," andrew's hazy voice says. "you don't even know what to do with yourself, it hurts so bad. but you're gonna have to get a hold of yourself, okay? because we're only just getting started."