A flashback in the Point of View of Taidan Beauvoir
I stared at the brown oxfords through the store Window, I couldn't afford it and I hated not being able to afford things. I was living paycheck to paycheck and bearing hunger on the day before payday just to ensure that I had bus fare to get to work was a bad habit I had formed and couldn't seem to break out of. At 22 years of age, I though that I'd be doing much more, I wanted to already be doing big things, driving big Benz and flexing real hard.
I tightened my hand around the bag that had the bread in it, my mom sent me out to get bread and I strayed as I always did. My dad keeps telling me that my head is in the clouds and that I'd never amount to anything. The two bedroom house that we were currently living in had no space for breathing or for thinking too deeply. I shared a room with my siblings and my parents had their own room, I felt stifled and I felt extremely broke. Unbeknownst to most, my lack of financial freedom was a source that fed my depression but they all just thought it as because I didn't fit into the family, that because my siblings and parents were darker than me that I felt like an outcast; if I was being honest with myself I actually did.
My baggy shorts was washed out and my T-shirt had a few holes all over it, this was a usual for me and I've bent myself to me nonchalant. No one ever got a reaction out of me, I was quiet most times and other times I'd be fighting. I made it home to my house in one of the most dangerous inner city communities in Haiti, I unhooked the latch to the old rickety board gate and made my way up to the red polished steps that lead up to our verandah. Leaving my shoes at the door, I walked directly to the kitchen and placed the bag with the bread on the table then walked out before my mom could strike up conversation with me, I wasn't in the mood.
"Taidan! Don't walk away from me!" My mother's strong Haitian accent caused me to stop in my tracks and let out a deep sigh.
"Yes ma?" I turned back to face her.
"Come to church with me on Sunday." Her eyes were pleading, she was always trying to get me to go to church with her but I wasn't a religious person, I didn't know what I believed in.
"Sure, why not." I mentally rolled my eyes.
My mom got the most words out of me and even if it was just 3 at a time, it was more than anyone else got. I was still glued to the spot as her manipulative gaze held me hostage, I could tell what her eyes were saying and I knew the lecture that was coming next.
"I wish I could take you back to when you were younger, you were so happy and so full of life. Now, now it seems like a shell of a person, a shell of my beloved daughter." My mother wiped at her eyes.
I just stared at her, nothing I said would reassure her. I loved her though and everything I've done and would do would be for her. "I love you." Those were the only words I said before I turned to leave her.
I packed an overnight bag and left the house without letting anyone know, I didn't want to interact with them anyways. The house I was going to was only down the road and even though I would prefer to date someone outside of my community, it was convenient. I knocked on her door and waited for her to let me in. She was only 18, she had a deadbeat dad, her mom lives in the United States and her grandma was way to old to even care. The door opened and I watched as Shion unlocked the locks from the grill to let me in.
"Hey," I stepped passed her to her room.
"Hey!" She joined me on the bed laying directly beside me.
I looked over at her and sighed, she was beautiful but she wasn't mines for the keeping. We were just messing around until her man catches on, he was maybe 40 years old and worked in construction so he brought in good money. I got whatever I wanted from her, she bought me a new phone when the one I had for years finally stopped working, she fed me whenever I had no food to eat at home so I was grateful for her man because he was basically supporting us both. We never talked a lot and that was mainly because of me, I never really have much to say because I felt no one really cared. Why express my innermost thoughts just to hear, "I'm sorry and I hope you feel better soon." I hated it, I absolutely hated it. Shion understood enough to know that I wasn't going to talk and I only wanted her company.
