4.4.17

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the outside was a black hole. It was as if someone how taken a paintbrush and painted everyone window on this train black. The only light provided was a thin yellow strip that illuminated mainly the middle portion of the carriage, that and the light from Reece's phone. He'd handed me one of his earphones so that he could 'broaden' my taste in music, so far all we had listen to was a band called Lany. They were American and sounded like they came from a different decade, it was uplifting pop music, some that I could potentially get in to.

"We've been inspired by them recently," he spoke, his fingers drumming across my exposed thigh to the best of the song.
I pushed myself up slightly and smiled at him intently, he looked over and smiled back.

"so, what other lyrics have you written?" I asked curiously, after he told me he had more lyrics in mind, I was nothing but intrigued to hear them. He turned away instantaneously and stared into the blank nothing outside.
I could see from the distorted reflection in the window, that he had his phone up and was flicking through some notes, despite his phone being clasped tightly towards his chest.

"I don't know if I can. It's a bit weird now that you're here." He stated, peering over his shoulder to me, even in this yellow toned light, I could still see his cheeks flashing pink. His eyes flickered from me to his phone screen, his mouth bobbed open as if he was about to speak, but he was hesitant.

"every time that you leave, I find it hard just to breathe," he spoke, shutting his phone off and placing it in his jacket pocket, as if he were never going to use it again.

"That so sweet!" I pleaded and he laughed out of embarrassment.

"I mean it's not, I'm basically struggling to breathe and sooner or later I'll collapse and possibly die," He rhetorically replied, shaking his head side to side.

"Well, maybe I should leave then," I joked and he laughed along.

"And kill me off after I've written this song for you?" He laughed.

"I think it's for the best," I smiled.

"Look, I've got to tell you something before it becomes a bigger deal than it is." He sighed, taking his hand from my thigh and crossing it over his chest. I sat upright, my eyes going wide. This journey home has been nothing but enjoyable, I didn't want it to take a turn for the worse.
I looked at him, nudging my head in his direction as if to continue.
"I know you can't stand her, and I respect that you have your reasons, so this is why I'm telling you as I don't know what she's like." He began, red alarm bells and her name flashed viscously in my head, Lara.
"So she does journalism, and wanted to write an article about us and about our songwriting, so she joined us in the studio for a day and that was it. I don't know if she'll twist it and feed you lies or if I'm panicking and making a big deal out of something minor, but I wanted you to know."  He exhaled, and I thanked him for being so honest this early on.

"I appreciate that Reece, thank you. If she's anything like what she use to be, then she'll be making a completely different story up," I said, and I can't imagine she's changed or grown up since then.

"That's what I thought. I don't want you hearing all sorts when all she did was interview us, the boys can even back me up on it," he spoke as if he was agitated about this whole situation.

"It's fine Reece, honestly. I'm so over her anyway. Just don't mention her in front of River or else you'll make an enemy out of him," I warned Reece.

"What's happened?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows at me. I sighed and looked away, biting my lip. These questions use to startle me, and I'd sworn to myself that I wouldn't drag anyone into my struggles. I owed Reece though, he had stayed so patient with me, he deserved an explanation.

"My best friend Rocco was secretly seeing my brother. It was very much on the down low as his parents were very religious and would be completely against him being gay. Only a few people knew about it, including me and Lara. We were such a strong friendship group, until a couple of years back when she started to become self obsessed and such an attention seeker, she was becoming unbearable and just becoming really rude to us all. Rocco called her out about it and they started fighting, that's when she let it slip. To make it worse, she put it all on social media with some snide caption exposing both of them. Roccos parents found out and were fuming, but to make it worse, he started accusing River of forcing him to be gay for his satisfaction. After all of that, Rocco and Lara and back to being friends but have completely isolated me because of it all. She's completely broken River and whilst all that was going on, she was hooking up with the boy I was seeing." I sighed, brushing my fingers through my hair. Reece clasped his hands over mine and squeezed them like he use to, to tell me it was all okay. Although we were the only people on this carriage, I felt my voice echoed and bounce off of the walls, and I felt like everyone on the train has just heard. I drummed my fingers across my thigh to keep my mind off of things, but it wasn't helping, everything was shifting through my mind again, the pictures, the words, the anger.

"That's shit," Reece spat, he looked at me as if he was hurt, and I was scared that he was angry at me. " she's so manipulative, to put you and your brother through that is awful. If I'd have know I would've kept well away from her," he spoke, turning his head away from me.

"I don't want you to do that for my benefit, but I appreciate the thought. That's only half of what she's like. I'm telling you this as I want you to be aware, and that friend of yours that she's dating, I just hope for his sake that's she's better. I was worried that you knew her after the party," I began rambling, but Reece put his heavy hands in my shoulders and looked me dead in the eye.

"Shiloh, you've got me now, and the boys, they love you too. Let's just forget about her yeah? You don't need to be struck down by her anymore," he spoke. His eyes were orbs and dazzling. Pools of blue that I still wanted to dive in to. They captured the beach and gave me the same feeling I felt when I was there, even though we were hundreds of miles away. I looked at him and felt my whole body turn to water. I wanted so badly to rest my head on his shoulder, to find any excuse to do that, but I couldn't. I was too scared in what he'd do, even though I knew it'd be nothing bad at all.

I nodded at him, gulping.

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