Take Me Back | ✔️

21. GETTING PAST

INSTEAD OF SITTING down beside me, he pushed himself up to my bed, wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and for a while, we lay like that without saying anything. He was careful to touch me, afraid that my shoulder was still hurt or any other of my ribs that were completely bruised, so he only tangled his fingers in my hair.

Call it cliché, call it stupid, but when I just heard how his heart is beating, it calmed me down in a second, slowed down the thoughts racing through my head, and made me feel like the pain I was feeling all over my body was less than it was since they lowered my morphine.

Don't get me wrong, my shoulder still hurts like a bitch, my ribs feels like they've been broken and put back together, and my chest... well, I got shot there so there's not more than to it. But, at least, here with Travis, I could feel differently than pain. I could feel him.

"You okay?" He whispered, his other hand taking my own, playing with my fingers. "I know everybody's been seeing you and with all the emotions running through, it can be draining. If you want to sleep, I can leave you alone for a while—"

I shook my head in disapproval. "No, don't do that. It's nice like this. I want this to last for a while."

"Hey," he cupped my chin, making me look at those gray orbs of his, ones that bore into my memory ever since I met him. "What are you thinking? Talk to me."

There was a lot of things in my mind even before my family talked to me and I thought when I saw all of them and got to actually talk about different stuff, it would eventually go away but here I am, laying down with Travis, still unable to get everything to disappear.

"I'm thinking about how Gabriel would react when I tell him what Michael or Jason did," I admitted, my voice shaking from the fear of having to think about it. "I don't want him to be mad at me or even blame himself for what he did. Then, I keep having to separate Michael from Jason when they're the exact same person. I don't know how he's going to react but what I do know is that I want him to see a therapist the second after I tell him."

It'd be good having to see someone. It's not something that people should be ashamed of because it's for the benefit of getting better and I know that Gabriel is a strong person—he's my angel—but even strong people do need help from those who are willing to give it.

He nodded, his eyes telling me how he understood me. "When exactly are you going to tell him?"

"I have this thing I figured out in my head where I would tell him when he learns how people isn't always what they seem to be," I answered. "but I don't want to keep a secret that long. In fact, I don't want to lie to him, feel constantly sad and forced to talk to him about his dad like he was the saint of all time. The guy was insane—he almost killed you, Travis. I almost lost you."

"And I almost lost you too," he repeated, holding me closer. "It's going to be hard when you decide to tell him, I'm sure, and if you want him to see someone when he does, then, I'll be with you every step of the way, but something tells me that that's not all you're thinking about, Sammy."

He was right. Not only was I so confused and scared that my own kid would hate me for getting him into this position, but I was also... I don't know how to describe it. After talking with Alex, it's when I realized what had happened that night, what I almost missed doing, what I almost never got to say to him, to Travis, to Sean, to Adriana, to Gabriel.

That's when tears started pouring down my eyes and no matter how much I tried to fight it, it still came down hard.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He placed his hands on my arms, caressing me. "Are you okay? Does something hurt?"