Sadly Mistaken

Why would he want to date a girl named after an animal breed?

Chapter 17
[Why would he want to date a girl named after an animal breed?]

Is this real? Am I really having my first kiss right now? I move my lips in sync with Dean's as I attempt to not combust. My heart beats at what feels like a thousand beats per minute, but I love every second of it. I completely forget we are in the middle of the Riverton Diner, with everyone watching. This is one of those moments I want to last forever.

Dean slowly pulls his lips from mine and I open my eyes. His eyes meet mine and I blush. He gives me a small smile. I wish I had known how to kiss before this. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so awkward and vulnerable.

"What were you going to say Kathy?" Dean says with a cute smile.

"Um, well," I stutter, "I think you covered it."

Dean laughs. "Oh I did? Can you just repeat it for clarity? If I remember correctly I interrupted you."

I take it deep breath. It can't be that bad admitting I like him. He already kissed me so he must feel at least some attraction to me.

"Even though we are completely different in so many ways, I feel so drawn to you and I don't know why. If you don't feel the same way I get it, I just couldn't hold it in anymore."

He takes in what I say, and simply stares at me with his pensive eyes. My face reddens.

"I'll take that as a no I gue-" I start.

"What did you think that kiss meant Kat? That I wanna be friends with you?" Dean laughs.

"I don't know, I'm never one to make assumptions" I manage to stutter out.

"Come here, you" Dean laughs, as he draws me into another kiss. This time, I'm ready.

~~~~

It's two days later, and my school is coming back from winter break. Back in the same old routine of pretending to pay attention as teachers spew on about their personal lives and subjects I have half a speck of interest in. Only one thing is different: Dean kissed me. I wish I knew what it meant though. Just because we kissed doesn't mean we are dating. If only things were as simple as that.

As I walk into my first period class, Calculus, my mind drifts to Dean. His soft hair, sweet face, and soft lips. I have to force myself to knock it off, and focus on my teacher. But that's impossible when your teacher keeps rambling on about derivatives and you have much more interesting things to think about. I haven't seen Dean since our kiss at the diner, but I hope he hasn't changed his mind about me. I wouldn't blame him. Why would he want to date a girl named after an animal breed?

Time felt like it was going backwards, but finally, Calculus was over. As I exit class and enter the congested hallway, I feel an arm wrap around my shoulder. Dean's arm. I smile and look up at him.

"I missed you Kathy."

"Oh, really?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I saw you two days ago"

"Two days too long" Dean says as he kisses my cheek.

My heart seems to grow. But in the back of my mind, I keep thinking about Jess. What if she sees this? She has the capability to make my life humiliating. She could take Dean back in an instant, with her beautiful blond hair and flawless features. It would be disrespectful for me to even compete with her.

"What's wrong?" Dean asks me.

I quickly dismiss him. "Nothing, just tired." I take this as my wake up call. I have to stop sabotaging my own happiness. I need to for once, truly believe I deserve the goodness in my life. Dean and I part ways as we make our way to our classes. Yet a part of me is still scared.

I make it to lunch, where I meet Bree at our usual table. as soon as I sit down, Bree knows something is up.

"Why so forlorn?" Bree asks me.

" Dean and I kissed."

"And you're sad because..." Bree trails off.

"Because Jess hates me" I sigh.

"Ah yes. Jessica. I wouldn't worry about her Kat. She's all talk. She doesn't have an original idea in her head" Bree laughs. I laugh along, hoping it will help convince me to feel better. No such luck.

"Seriously Kat, be happy. It's what you deserve. Anyone who denies you this doesn't know who they're dealing with" Bree tells me sincerely. Maybe she's right. Maybe this is the happiness I deserve. A dying dad and a lying mother have left a toll on me. I need to take this as an opportunity to look up.

~~~~

I decide to see my father after school. We talk about Meg and Hayden for a while. But we mostly talk about my mom.

"You have to cut her some slack, Kit Kat," my dad starts, "she's working her hardest to keep our family together. It's not as easy as it looks."

"I know, I know," I say. I don't have the heart to tell him that my mom and I are on respectable terms, but hardly even speak to each other.

"I'm just worried about her, you know? I wish I was home with you all instead of being in this hospice. I miss you kids" my dad says sadly.

I wish everything was back to normal, the way things were a year ago. I wish my dad wasn't about to die. I wish my family was together again. I wish Dean would tell me what we are. I wish Jess would let me be happy. I wish.