Sadly Mistaken

Halfway to Orphanhood

Chapter 20

[Halfway to Orphanhood]

"So how have you been this week? Feeling any better Kat?"

"I guess I'm better than last week."

"Progress is progress sweetie. You'll find things will get easier with time, but I know you've already heard that line many times before."

I have. But at least this time I'm hearing it from a professional. After my dad's funeral, my mom thought it would be best if I attended grief counseling. Half of me thinks she suggested it so she can feel better about herself. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I blame her for not letting me enjoy the last few months I could ever have with my dad, and leaving me in the dark to help fundraise for my own father unknowingly. I regret wasting the time I could have spent with my dad being blissfully unaware of my situation. I have to remind myself these feelings of regret and anger won't change anything. 

"Kat, these feelings towards your mother are understandable. But you can't let your anger drive you further away from those who love you. Although this time is very difficult, you should use it as a time to grow closer with your mom. You are both experiencing similar feelings of loss."

I'm not sure similar is the right term, but I go along with the counselor. My mother can always find another husband. Me, I'm halfway to orphanhood. No one can replace my dad. 

I drive home from grief therapy, and see a parked car in my driveway, one I don't recognize. It's probably just one of mom's friends, dropping off yet another prepared meal. I'm hoping its my mom's one friend who makes amazing lasagna and garlic bread. People have been dropping off food non-stop ever since word came out my dad died. I walk into the front door, and I don't smell food. Disappointment. 

My mom immediately greets me. "Kat, one of your friends is here. I sent her to your room to wait while you came home. She seems so sweet!" My mom chirps. She only acts this happy when we have guests. But who could possibly be here? I literally have two friends, Bree and Dean, and she would have told me if it was one of them. 

I head upstairs to my room and open my door to see Jess sitting on my bed. I don't have the energy for this right now.

"Jess, why are you here?" I sigh. After an hour of diving into my dads death at grief therapy, I really don't have the mental capacity to argue with a girl whose only problem the moment is not getting the boy she had multiple chances with. 

"I heard about your dad," she starts. 

"I assume you already knew about this. We do live in a small town. So why are you really here?" I inquire. This isn't making sense. 

"Yeah, you're right. I've known. I just didn't know how to approach you. We've never really gotten along" Jess says, avoiding eye contact. 

For good reason we don't get along. She is lucky I am non-confrontational, because her behavior in the last few months  would make the nicest person lose their temper.

"You've made it very clear this past year you have a problem with me. We don't get along because you have constantly belittle me and remind me I don't deserve Dean. Why are you really here?" I probably should have been nicer.

Jess is shocked by my response, but answers me. She takes a deep breath before she speaks.

"My dad just got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It's fatal, we caught it too late" Jess says, on the verge of tears. 

Wow. That came out of nowhere. 

"I'm so sorry Jess" I say, and sit down next to her. 

"I'm coming to you because I don't know how you dealt with the burden of knowing that your dad could die at any moment for so long. My dad found out of his cancer last week, and it's all I can think about now. I need to know how to deal with this."

"Jess, I'm not really sure if I am the right person for you to confide in" I start, trying to distance myself from the situation. "My dad died less than a month ago, and I'm barely keeping it together these days."

"You still know more than me though" Jess says.

I still don't know why she would come to me for advice. She doesn't seem to be the type to ignore her pride and associate with her ex's current girlfriend. Well, not girlfriend quite yet at least. But I want to give Jess the benefit of the doubt. I need to be a better person. 

"I just need someone to validate my emotions. That's all I need. I know I can't undo anything I've said and done to you, I'm coming to you as someone who will soon be in the same position as you" Jess says softly after I didn't respond to her first statement. 

"I can be here for you, if you need it" I manage to reply. "I would suggest seeing a professional first though. You shouldn't rely too heavily on my poor judgement." 

Jess laughs. "Of course. And next time I need to talk to you, I'll call first. Sorry for just showing up here, it's kind of embarrassing."

We sit in a moment of awkward silence, but Jess shocks me with what she says next.

"Dean is lucky to have you. You're far more mature than me. If I was you I would have kicked you out already" Jess says, staring at her hands as she plays with her fingers nervously. I don't know how to respond to this statement. I just give her a soft smile in understanding. 

Jess leaves shortly after, and I throw myself onto my bed in exhaustion. I look in the corner of my room, and see my dirty laundry laying there, and on top of the pile lies my zebra print underwear. I slam my head into my pillow in embarrassment. I really hope she didn't see that.

I can't help but feel uneasy about Jess' sudden change in heart and overall attitude towards me. The timing just seems so off. I thought I would be the last person Jess would come to for advice, no matter how dire the situation may be. I let it go, and blame it on paranoia.