bittersweet recollections of your adolescence // 2019 poetry collection

the day we met

I think I'll always remember the day we met

You said you didn't make friends and I thought "bet"

We got milkshakes and chick fil a

Joked about our partners and the things they'd say

About our personalities— our "quirks" if you will

Like the way I'm never serious and the way you chase the thrill

Using shared humor to hide the fact that they'll never know

I cry myself to sleep and you hope you don't make it to tomorrow...

But that's getting a little dark

Ha let's be real "dark" is yours and my benchmark

Cracking jokes about dying will always be our normal

Talking about the stars and the universe makes living feel dull

What else could be out there? We'll never know

Nothing can stop us from playing pretend though

Two kids with our hearts on hellfire

So close to burning out all we ever feel is tired

One time we were talking I said I couldn't fall in love yet

I said commitment scared the hell out of me and you thought "bet"

Our partners got tired of our personalities— sorry, "quirks"

That night I went to a concert, then my room, then waterworks

I was sitting on the floor and damn I couldn't breathe

I started counting colors on my curtains, stripes on my sheets

My world was shrinking aching crying imploding

Nobody ever told me the hardest part is coping

With the loss with the guilt

Of throwing away everything you ever tried to build

I guess I was really lost and mostly really scared

And you were there for me and said you really cared

You didn't ask questions thank God you didn't ask questions

Truth be told every word I said felt like a goddamn confession

He did this and then I did that

He said he loved me and I said take it back

Because commitment scared the hell out of me

And I couldn't fall in love yet...

I was trying to explain ended up just saying it was complicated

You were watching my face nodded slowly said okay and waited

For me to pull myself together and pull my emotions all apart

For me to get my heart to stop breaking into a thousand million parts

You said we should go on a drive and opened the door

I sat down feeling weird like this was something almost more

You played all the songs that I mentioned that I like

While I sat stock still thinking maybe this was why

Maybe it was how I saw you that first day

Lips pressed in a thin line hair perfectly disarranged

And my heart beat faster and my eyes lit up

I saw somebody who could use a little love and hey pal my cup

Runneth

Over.

Maybe it was how you remembered the stupid stuff I said

When I thought no one was paying attention or cared what was in my head

Maybe it was that I thought our hearts beat the same rhythm

And it hurt me to admit it but I never felt like that with him

Maybe it was how you touched my hand and I was electrified

Couldn't talk couldn't move swear to God I thought I'd died

And gone to heaven, maybe, if heaven felt like floating

Never felt like this with my ex even with his constant doting

I guess maybe this confusion was caused by the fact

That it felt a little like love and I didn't like that

I promise, I swear, I'll always remember the day we met

Even though we both ran in the end, hearts screaming not yet

It was too much too soon

I still remember what the sky looked like the last time I walked away from you

Is that too much?

Is this too soon?

I can't remember what your voice sounds like please just let me through

All these walls you put up that you swore you'd never put down

Maybe you'd change your mind if I tried to come around

Maybe we've changed so much that it wouldn't matter though

I don't cry myself to sleep so maybe you look forward to tomorrow

If we don't cover up our pain with all our jokes what's left

I don't think I can take the cold hard truth just yet I'm stressed

How could we have let all these feelings sit here unexpressed

I'd rather tell you than die like this I think I'm ready to confess

The truth is

This.

I know I'll always remember the day we met

You said you didn't make friends and I thought "bet"

I guess I was really lost and mostly really scared

And you were there for me and said you really cared

You said we should go on a drive and opened the door

I sat down feeling weird like this was something almost more

It was how you remembered the stupid stuff I said

When I thought no one was paying attention or cared what was in my head

It was that I thought our hearts beat the same rhythm

And it hurt me to admit it but I never felt like that with him

It was how you touched my hand and I was electrified

Couldn't talk couldn't move swear to God I thought I'd died

I'll always remember what the sky looked like the last time I walked away from you

Is that too much?

Is this too soon?