Ineffably Oblivious ( Ineffable Husbands One-Shots )

Hey Alexa

Inspiration from PancakeCat2007 :>

Summary
Crowley gets an Alexa and it spills his recent browsing history.

:,>
*Minor Innuendos
It's almost a crack fic but it's written like an actual chapter—

Word Count: 736

***

Aziraphale had thought it a wonderful idea to get Crowley one of the newer bits of technology on the market. After all, his voicemail was older than Adam, so the angel figured it'd do him some good to get up to speed with things.

Crowley hadn't exactly seen it as...generous...at first, however.

"An...an Ale- a wot now?" Crowley held the box with a frown.

"Oh yes, it's from a wonderful website called...oh something about a rainforest..." Aziraphale frowned in thought from where he stood across Crowley in the demon's flat. His eyes lit up as he recalled the name, "Amazon! Wonderful site, really- they have the most interesting television shows as well, you should really check out this one called Hogfather — the writer...I'm not a big fan of the characters he creates in his novels usually but oh was this one absolutely scrumptious!"

"Right, Amazon..." Crowley mumbled absently, "Eh...what is this exactly?"

"I do believe that they call it an Alexa- take it on out, there you go, don't be shy." Aziraphale beamed.

Crowley couldn't disappoint his angel and sighed, taking a particularly pointed fingernail and using it as a blade to cut open the tape of the packaging, finally getting through its layers to reach something that looked like a, "...Cylindrical speaker..?"

"Not just any cylindrical speaker, dear- this one has a soul!" Aziraphale beamed.

"The heaven do you mean it has a soul?" Crowley's eyes narrowed and he held the device away from himself for a moment.

"Oh, please, I don't mean an actual one- an artificial one!" Aziraphale snapped his fingers.

"What'd you do?" Crowley narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Miracled batteries into it— dreadfully difficult finding a screwdriver that fits those tiny screws...anywho, try it out! Turn it on!" Aziraphale grinned from ear the ear.

Crowley groaned but turned the machine on, setting it on the counter space of the kitchenette they stood by, "Now what?"

"Well...well Adam said her name was Alexa-"

"How can I help you?" The AI spoke.

Both demon and angel flinched.

"The Heaven is going on, Angel?" Crowley hissed.

"I-It's artificial intelligence, dear, see, you ask it questions. It's all set up to your account, don't worry, Adam helped me with that, so ask away." Aziraphale hummed happily.

"Like what...?" Crowley mumbled.

"Anything, really- well, such as...Alexa!" Aziraphale said cheerfully.

"Yes?" The machine chirped cheerfully in its AI voice.

"Search History Of last twenty four hours!" The angel smiled, "See, Crowley it really isn't-!"

"Queen, Freddie Mercury, Angels, Angel sculptures—"

"nO STOP!" Crowley shrieked, diving for the machine.

Aziraphale gasped as the demon snatched the machine.

Crowley attempted to muffle the machine with his coat.

"Oh, stop being so dramatic! That was expensive!" Aziraphale made a grab for the machine and started a tug-of-war with him.

"Angel wings, Angel references, male angels, male angel statues,"

Aziraphale's face flushed red, "Crowley-"

"Angel sculptures nak-"

With a snap of his fingers and Aziraphale's release on the machine, it exploded into a million pieces that burned up on the ground into nothing but ashes.

Crowley then curled his knees to his chest, covering a face scarred by embarrassment. He let out a deep groan of shame and shook his head.

"P-Perhaps that wasn't the best question..." Aziraphale swallowed his own shame, "F-For me to ask..."

"You think, Ange-?" Remembering the primary word in all his searches, he shut up with another groan.

"Um...my apologies...m-my dear..." The angel shifted on his feet.

"Just go ahead and shut the door on your way out..." Crowley grumbled.

There was a long silence before Crowley was surprised at the touch of a hand on his shoulder.

He looked up to see Aziraphale grinning in amusement.

"You do get embarrassed so easily." Aziraphale chuckled.

Crowley grumbled.

"We all sin once in awhile." The angel hummed.

"Aziraphale!" Crowley yelped in more embarrassment.

"It's human of us, Crowley, isn't that wonderful?"

Crowley sighed, "It's rationalization so sure, I'll take it."

Aziraphale smiled and patted the demon on the head.

"You owe me a look at your book history now." Crowley cracked a grin.

"Oh...no, I believe it's much of the same, just more dem- you know, dear, I think it's best if we forget about this over some lunch, perhaps?" Aziraphale grinned sheepishly.

"I've never heard a better idea."

***
////I need to stop with the innuendos...
Someday
This was short just to spite some people ;) with love and care of course—
Anyway— yEP SO BYE

-Jay 😇😈