I stood in the bathroom, pacing back and forth, trying not to look at the pregnancy test on the counter. The 3-minute timer I had set went off. I sat on the toilet, and took a deep breath. I grabbed the pregnant test, and looked at it.
+
It was positive.
I sat there looking at the test, tears welling up in my eyes. I was happy, so happy. But at the same time, I was sad. Finn, my husband, and I have been trying for a baby for the past 4 years. Every time we got pregnant, it was the same cycle. The excitement of finding out, to the deep sadness of finding out that It had died in my tummy. I've had 6 miscarriages now. Each time, I hoped and I prayed that the little runt would stay alive, and each time I found out it didn't, my heart would drop. I never lost faith, but I was worried that Finn wouldn't love me anymore. He had always wanted to start a family. From the moment we had gotten engaged he would speak about teaching his future son how to play football, or learning how to braid his future daughters hair. He was so sweet about it too. He had always told me that it wasn't my fault, and that we could keep trying. But I know it hurt him as much as it hurt me.
I sat there, tears running down my cheeks, small chuckles leaving my mouth from the happiness I was experiencing. I wiped my tears, smiling down at the small stick in my hands. I got up from the toilet, and made my way into our bedroom. He was sitting there, his guitar on his lap. A sweet tune emitting from it, as his right hand strummed and his left hand played the chords. I approached him, the pregnancy test in my back pocket. I sat down next to him, sweetly looking at his concentrated face. He stopped playing and held the pick in his hand.
"Can I see that?"
"The pick?"
"Yeah."
I swapped out the pick with the pregnancy test, him taking a second to realize what I had just done. He looked at it, confused and then back up at me with tears in his eyes. No words left his mouth. Just a smile, soft eyes, with tears of joy leaving them.
"Really?!"
I nodded my head as he put down his guitar and held his head in his hands. His body shaking from his crying. He lifted his head and hugged me tightly. He pulled away and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.
"If anything happens to the baby, God forbid, but if anything happens, it's not your fault. We can keep trying, I love you, so much. Okay?!"
"Okay. I love you too."
—
I went to the doctors today and discovered that I am 7 weeks pregnant. The doctor didn't say anything about any complications, and I got to hear the babies heart beat. Finn started crying, and so did I. I've been getting morning sickness recently. I would wake up extremely early and throw up. And then Finn would come to hold my hair, he had bags under his eyes, but he still came to help.
—
15 weeks
The baby is approximately 4 inches long, it should be the size of a pear. The face is starting to form, it's starting to grow ears. I've been feeling great. I was expecting the worse, but hoping for the best. I lost one of my babies at around this time. I'm gaining a little bit of weight, my stomach is evidently much bigger now. 5 months to go.
"I hope it has your nose and lips, I don't really want our baby to have my frog face."
I giggled and looked over at him, he was touching my stomach.
"Don't say that, your "frog face" is nice baby."
—
23 weeks
