Idée Fixe

Losing Thea

Chapter Thirteen

J A L E N

I stare at the white wall ahead of me.  It's like time hasn't moved since she's been gone, but I know it's been almost two weeks.  Two weeks of not seeing her or hearing her voice and laughter.  Two weeks of searching the entire states of California and Ohio.  Two weeks of wondering what she's going through and how she's managing to survive if she's even still alive.

I try my hardest not to dwell on the last thought because the idea of her not being in this world is too much.  I promised her that I would never let anybody else hurt her, but I let her slip away from me and into the hands of the nigga that hurt her the most.  I failed and that's exactly what I feel like a failure.

I can feel my phone vibrating against my chest where it's laying, but I don't have the energy to answer it.  I'm tired of talking.  I'm tired of hearing that they haven't found anything, and they'll keep trying.  I keep hoping that this is a long ass nightmare that I just can't wake up from, praying that this isn't my reality right now.

Her prepossessing face is imprinted in my mind, along with the last moment we shared together.  It can't be the last time I see her, it just can't.  My phone starts vibrating again and this time the vibration causes her face to fade away with our moment trailing quickly behind it.  I snatch my phone off of my chest before answering it.

"What the fuck is so important?"  My voice is laced with anger.

"Boy, who in the hell are you talking to?"

My anger subsides and is replaced with regret when I realize it's my mother.

"Sorry, ma. I ain't know it was you," I let out a sigh as I sit up on the couch.

"I understand. You're going through a lot right now, so I'll let it slide this time. Have you heard anything in regards to Thea?"

"No, ma'am," I try to keep my composure for my mother's sake.  Just like everybody else, she's been worried about Thea.  They've grown damn near inseparable over the months and I love the bond they created.

"We'll see her again, Hakeem," she says, but she doesn't sound as hopeful anymore and that causes my heart to sink a little more.

"Have you eaten?"

"Nah, I ain't been having an appetite," I answer honestly and it's her turn to sigh.

"Come over.  I'm cooking and I don't want you alone right now."

"Ma, I'm goo–."

"I wasn't asking.  I'll see you soon, I love you."

"I love you too," I mumble, before she ends the call.

I grab my keys from the table, before lifting myself off the couch and leaving the house. I lock the front door and leisurely walk towards my car, before unlocking the doors and climbing inside. I lean back into the driver's seat, allowing my mind to roam momentarily. Running a hand down my face, I lean forward and start the car.

"You okay, son?" My father eyes me after opening the front door to allow me inside.

"Yeah," I answer while entering the house. He closes the door, before facing me and placing his large hand on my shoulder. He stares at me sympathetically.

"I know you aren't," he says while letting out a sigh, "it's obvious that she means a lot to you and I have people on the inside looking for her as well."

"I appreciate it, Pops," I respond sincerely.  When my father was in the game, he made a lot of friends working for the government.  That's how he was able to get out of jail so early.