Idée Fixe

Before Time

Preface

The wooden floor creaks underneath my feet and my body goes rigid with fear.  I allow my eyes to roam towards the bed while remaining still and my heart pounds against my chest as he stirs in his sleep.  I silently pray to God that he doesn't awaken.  He stretches out on the bed, getting more comfortable before falling back to sleep and I let out a deep breath.

I continue to stare at him, questioning how this man who once made me feel like the luckiest woman on earth managed to ruin me both mentally and physically.  He looks so at peace in his sleep, so innocent and it makes my heart ache with nostalgia, because in the beginning he was my peace. 

I close my eyes while tightening the grip that I have on my duffle bag.  I finally gather up enough courage to move, but this time I sprint out of the room and down the stairs before hurrying out of the front door.  The midnight air is cold and crisp, but anything is better than spending another second in that hell that's supposed to be considered home.  I continue to run down the street. I don't have a destination, but I can literally taste freedom on my tongue the further I run and I swallow it whole without a second thought.

I stop running once I feel like I've put enough distance between the two of us. I place my hands on my knees, struggling to catch my breath.

"Thea?"

Run! My mind screams at me, but my feet betrays it as I stand still with fear erupting throughout me.

"Whatcha doin out hea' so late? You know it's dangerous out hea' in these streets, ma."

I turn towards the voice and my eyes lock with Lucky's. His expression hardens as he takes me in. I know I look rough, because this time I didn't bother to clean and cover up the mess that he left me in. My face is covered in bruises and blood spills from my nose and lip, this is the art that Demarcus creates behind closed doors. No one knew that I was his canvas, not even his best friend and that's why he's standing here staring at me with a look of confusion and sympathy.

"Marcus did this to you?" He asks, but we both know that he already knows the answer.

I nod.

"How long he been doin' this?"

I lower my head in embarrassment.

"Two years," I answer almost inaudibly.

He shakes his head while letting out a sigh.

"Where you gone go?"

"I don't know," I answer honestly and he uses his hand to rub the back of his neck as he thinks.

"I'ma get you a ride to Cali, iight? My sister lives there and she gone help you out as much as possible. Demarcus my boy, but I look at you like a lil sister."

I stare at Lucky, trying to decide if I should believe him or not.  He has always been protective over me, he just never knew that the person I needed protection from was his best friend. The last time I tried to get away from Demarcus, he found me and beat me so bad that I ended up hospitalized. I was in a coma for a month.  He had lied and told everybody that I was in an accident and they ate up his perfect act, he's always been good at pretending.

"Just promise me one thing."

"What?" I question.

"You won't ever look back," he says with a serious expression.

"I promise."

And I didn't, but somehow the past caught up to me, it always does.