Escaping Strings

Chapter 41: A Week to Peek

We're all at La Mansion de Fortalejo. Everyone will spend the week here until the wedding day. Grabe, can you believe that? One week na lang at ikakasal na ako kay Matthew. I admit, kinakabahan ako nang sobra. Never once in my life that I've dreamt of getting married to the future. Kahit noong bata pa ako, kahit noong nagka-boyfriend ako noon — I am afraid. Ayaw ko ng mga ganito. Maniniwala ba kayo kung sasabihin kong ayaw ko ring mag-debut? Kung hindi dahil sa pamimilit ni Iris, siya lang talaga ang pupunta sa mismong birthday celebration namin. I hate dramas, you know that. I hated men when they're trying to catch me. I kind of hated them when they blab things about me like I am a hooker, but of course, hindi ko pinapatulan. I am not cheap and I know to myself that it is not true. Some of them were just some kind of a douche na hindi matanggap ang pamba-busted ko kaya sinisiraan ako. Then, there is Matt. Galit na galit ako sa sarili ko nang malaman kong buntis ako. I hated myself for acting like I am not happy having this blessing inside my womb at first. Kahit naman may pagka-bad girl ako, faithful pa rin ako kay God at naniniwala akong blessing from Him ang babies. Lagi akong nagsisimba every sunday, ano? I would never be at this peak of success if not because of my family and Him. I am grateful for that. Now....

I sigh.

I am really settling down. Ang bilis lang, 'di ba? Hindi talaga ako makapaniwala. Ayokong maniwala. Natatakot talaga ako, I swear. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero parang hindi kasi tama na ikasal ang isang tulad ko. Parang isang kasalanan, parang isang kasinungalingan.

“Gosh, what am I thinking?” I whispered myself, throwing the rock I got on the ground earlier.

I am here at the garden of our home. I wanted to be alone kaya naisipan kong pumunta rito. Sa sobrang laki ng mansion, hindi naman siguro nila maiisipang hanapin ako rito kung sakali. Kung gaano kalawak ang loob ng mansion, gan'on din kalawak ang lupain sa labas nito bago mo marating ang main gate palabas rito. Nakaupo ako sa isang bench nang maisipan kong maglakad-lakad para libutin ang garden. Ang gaganda ng mga tanim dito, halatang alagang-alaga. My mom loves different kinds of plants. Siguro, namana namin 'yon sa kaniya ni Iris. My twin and I loves flowers. Actually, lahat pala kaming magkakaibigan. Soul sisters talaga kami because we all love roses and carnations. Oh, lalo na ang carnations, gosh, they bloom so pretty! Carnations kaya ang gamitin ko as wedding bouquet? Marami kaming tanim na carnation flower sa greenhouse. Blah! Back to the wedding, naalala ko na naman. Bakit ba sa tuwing naiisip ko ay kinakabahan ako? It's not that I am anxious, I am excited! But heck, yeah, anxious too. Argh!

“They're right, you're just here.” Napahinto ako sa paglalakad nang magsalita ito mula sa likod ko.

Gusto ko lang namang mapag-isa, they don't wanna give that to me.

Umikot ako para harapin siya and smile, “Hi!”

“You can't be out here alone, Martina. What if you faint? Paano ka na lang namin hahanapin?” he asked irritated.

“Come on, don't think that way—”

“You are pregnant, keep that inside your hard head,” sabi niya bago hinawakan ang kamay ko at hilahin ako pabalik sa loob ng mansion.

“Teka,” pigil ko sa kaniya, “Ayokong pumasok.”

Nilingon niya ako nang para bang may gagawin akong masama kaya naman ngumiti lang ulit ako. Tinanggal ko ang pagkakakapit niya sa kamay ko at hinalikan siya sa pisngi.

“Sige na, Jac, get in. Don't tell anyone that I'm here.” I turn around to go for another walk around the garden.

I visited the greenhouse to see our carnations. Different flowers are everywhere. Different colours and sizes are on the ground, but our Blueberry Cream Carnation are on top of table. I reached for it. We, girls, did everything just to plant this type of Dianthus. It's one of the rare ones and it's very pretty.