Escaping Strings

Chapter 15: Label

It's been three days since our relationship had been labeled. What is happening? Am I letting him do what he want, now? Did I just let myself approve to him by calling me his? Why? Why, Martina? What are you doing? Why are you letting somebody invade your peaceful life? What if same thing happens? What will you do? What can you do? Let them ruin you, continuously? Fuck you. Fuck me!

"What am I thinking?" I told myself while staring up the sky.

Nasa deck ako ng M&I Suites at nag iisip isip tungkol sa mga kagagahan ko. Ako lang ang nandito at masyado itong malawak para sa iisang taong nagda-drama. Madilim na pero hindi pa rin ako bumabalik sa suite ko. Actually, hindi ako makababa kasi natatakot akong umalis sa pwesto ko. Haha. Creepy eh. Tanging mga bote ng alak lang ang kasama ko habang nakahiga sa sahig.

"Paano ba ako bababa?" I glance at my watch and saw the time.

Shoot! It's almost midnight. Bahala na nga, dito na lang ako matutulog. Pumikit ako at nagulat ako nang biglang may naglakad palapit sa akin.

"Shit! 'Di ka man lang nagsalita," napabangon ako sa gulat.

"Why are you still here? At umiinom ka na naman?" Matt scolded.

"Shh! Natutulog ako," humiga ulit ako at pumikit nang hilahin niya ako patayo. "Hey," I hiss, nonchalant.

"Bakit dito ka matutulog? Gusto mo bang magpagahasa? Sabihin mo lang at nandito na ako."

"Tss. Natatakot kasi akong bumaba. Ang creepy kaya. Ako na lang pala mag isa ang nandito," paliwanag ko at sumadal sa railings saka tumingala.

"Hindi ka pa ba inaantok?" Tanong niya saka tumabi sa akin.

"Inaantok. Pero natatakot ako eh," I didn't look at him. I just waited for his words.

"That doesn't make sense. Are you afraid to sleep? Gusto mo bang samahan kita hanggang sa makatulog ka?"

"Natatakot akong matulog kasi baka pag gising ko... matauhan ako at isiping panaginip lang pala ito," tinungga ko yung bote ng beer.

"What are you talking about?" Hinarap niya ako sa kaniya.

Magsasalita na sana ako nang may marinig kaming footsteps, "Fuck!" Akala ko naman kung ano. May mag-jowa lang pala na naglalampungan at naghahabulan sa kabilugan ng buwan.

"Tell me, nakailang girlfriend ka na ba before?" I asked.

"What are you thinking?" He asked back.

"Just answer it."

"None of them were serious. Flings lang lahat but you," I look at the floor.

I don't want to ask more. Ayaw ko rin kasing maibalik sa akin ang tanong.

He hugs me, "What's on your mind? No, I don't want to know," I sigh.

"Matt."

"Don't speak," he just stays hugging me.

"Matt, ayoko ng ganito," his hug tightened. "I'm not yet ready to do this again."

"Don't say that. Don't say anything," I can feel his heart beats loud.

Wala naman na talaga akong masabi.

"Let's stop this."

"Martina..." tinignan niya ako habang nakahawak sa balikat ko.

"I don't do relationships, Matt. Not anymore. Masayang maglaro. Masayang maging malaya. Ayaw mo ba ng ganon? Walang magbabawal sa'yo. Walang pipigil at magagalit 'pag may nagawa kang kalokohan."