BEHIND A SMILING FACE

1. Deep Within...

Life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier.

~ Albert Schweitzer

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1. Deep Within

" The answer is, uhmm," I baffle as my pistachio -sized cranium struggles to supply me with an answer.

I squint as I try to make sense of the uncoordinated squiggly lines on the white board.

Math was never my strong point.

My hands were sweating uncontrollably, and my breathing became slightly hitched as I glanced around the classroom, hoping to magically find the answer.

" Ms. Frathurt, " Mr. James said annoyed, " It's either you know the answer or not."

" The answer is, uhmm...the answer is fifty-two."

" Incorrect, " he stated, " The answer is a hundred and five."

The entire class snickered and many kids made it their duty to label me as a moron.

I buried my head in my notebook trying to forget my embarrassment as he continued to write on the board.

" Dumbass nigger," Victoria whispered.

I ignored her comment, I was used to it. I patiently waited on the bell for lunch, that way I could immerse myself in my drawing and be done with them all.

I sat in the far corner at the back of the cafeteria -the garbage bin and a few cobwebs my only friends. I didn't mind though, it was better than my usual eating spot, the janitor's closet. At least here, I could draw comfortably.

I got out my sketch pad and began to draw, when her rehearsed laugh pierced the atmosphere.

I Ashlynn Frathurt have been a very indecisive individual. I've never been able to concretely come to a conclusion or make a decision even for the most trivial of things. However, if there's one thing I've been sure of, it's this well known fact.

I wanted to annihilate Victoria.

She irked me, disturbs every single nerve in my body with even so much of a smell of her perfume. I hate her for more reasons than you could imagine.

" Oh Derek, " she said trailing her fingers along his toned arm, "You can tell me more tonight ".

Barf.

Then it happened. Derek turned around and his eyes crossed paths with mine. He looked straight at me before awkwardly looking away. My heart sank. Shame on me, for hoping otherwise.

Of course he would act like he doesn't know me, he's with her now.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I gathered my things and decided on a new location for lunch today.

The Janitor's closet.

***
I was greeted with a note on the kitchen counter, as soon as I got home. My family would not be home for the next three days, because it was Lisa, my Tenon's birthday and they were going to Hawaii.

I sighed, it's not like I'm apart of the family or anything. Not like I actually wanted to go.

I trudged upstairs and hopped down on my bed. I decided to listen to the Fray as I let my thoughts engulf me.

No one would care if I died.

I know this for a fact. Its been proven time and time again. Over and over.